My mind isn't settled. It comes on the back of having to continually deal with anxiety. There seems to be no reprise.

It is because my emotions are impaired that I have a permanent traffic jam in my head. And although I appreciate it’s the symptoms I need to treat, that is difficult because I already have a predisposition to deal with before I start the process and that impairs my thinking even further.

As a child, I never equated my emotional struggles and that what I was presenting with was anxiety. I also didn’t understand or equate that I would never be free of anxiety because I have brain damage, or that I would have to find a way of dealing with it because I don't fit into what is considered normal.

Getting to grips with something I didn't know I had, meant I wouldn't have the tools to move my anxiety away, but through CBT, I am finding ways to cope.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Getting to grips with anxiety”

  1. It must be very hard to constantly deal with anxiety and even more so for you, as your anxiety originates from a brain injury. It must have been difficult for you before you knew the source of your bad thoughts.

    With the right help, I am sure some of the symptoms of anxiety can be managed and I am glad you are getting help through CBT.

    1. Thanks. Yes, it's taken many years to bring understanding to my anxiety. I can't believe what I was put through... I thought I was going mad.

      My anxiety is a continual battle. When I struggle, my inner-critic usually takes centre stage. Cognitive therapy is helping, but because of my emotional impairments, there are things like visualisation and imagery that I can't do.

  2. Anxiety is a storm that hits really hard. So hard that I wonder where the rest of me went when the storm is over.

    Of course, it doesn't help that I'm borderline pissed off in the first place.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, our reasons for anxiety will differ depending on our state of mind and why we're anxious in the first place.

      Although my anxiety is based on my brain impairment, anxiety can hit all of us and to use your analogy can leave a disaster in its wake.

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