It’s not in our nature to want to let anyone down, but our circumstances have to fit for us to achieve our goal without putting ourselves at emotional or physical risk.

We need to understand our limitations and ask, whether what we’re trying to achieve is something we can achieve. It’s not that given time we won’t achieve our goal, but where we know others are relying on us, we may still pile the pressure on ourselves.

We want others to think we’re capable, by getting the job done. Wind forward and you could be looking at a different you. With more experience through the process, you can get the job done. And perhaps that's the point, age can bring us through. We simply need time to work through the process.

And where others put their trust in us, we can come through even stronger. But as others come to expect us to work through the process, they should give us time. It's a process that needs time and they need to be supportive.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Letting people down”

  1. Letting people down is what has caused most of the stress in my life thanks to my mother who expected me to make her happy when that was an impossible task.

    Obviously this created serious issues for me mainly because I became a people pleaser for the same type of people which is an exercise in futility.

    It was enough to drive me insane, but people like this don't really give a damn and will throw you away like a piece of trash when you don't have what they want anymore.

    It took me the longest time to realize it and now at my age I have to figure out how to break those chains that bind, in order to finally live my own life.

    I am beyond exhausted in every sense imaginable, but I know it has to be done or else I will just give up, which isn't what I really want to do.

    1. Randy you didn't let yourself down, your mum let you down. It's always difficult for a child to comprehend or understand a parent, or why that would be, but it's nothing you did.

      It can take years to make the connections and often when we do it's too late to salvage the relationship.

      Hopefully now you will work out how to break the chains that bind you to your mum. You'll certainly lighten the load emotionally once you've done it.

  2. I spent too much time trying not to let one person down, when all I did was to let myself down.

    With hindsight I now know that it would have been very difficult for me to change things, but it doesn't stop we wishing that I had tried harder.

    1. From your response it doesn't sound as though you could have changed anything.

      I think the blame solely has to be with the person you struggled to make an impact with. I'm all for taking responsibility, but not where others make it difficult for us.

      Too many years have passed where I carried guilt. I have learned the hard way but not anymore. I won't allow it. It's important you understand when to let go because it's not your fight.

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