"Parents often have expectations of their children. I didn’t live up to my father’s, and looking back, I did care. With what turned out to be a disability, there should have been no pressure. There should have been no expectations.
Children may never really know what their parents think. If our parents aren't forthcoming, we may never understand. But parents aren't always easy to read. I didn't need my disability to make me feel inept.
The worst part was having to go through exams, struggle to learn, then come out with the poor grades – and have to tell my father. I didn’t put the pressure on myself, but as much as I tried to succeed, I failed. I will never know what my father thought of my abilities, or my grades."
My father never had any expectations that I can remember. The one thing I do remember clearly, is that he didn't really give a damn.
They made it feel like nothing we did would ever matter, which becomes a self-defeating prophecy over time. My brother was 'the star' and one of my sister's was 'the angel' so my oldest sister was labeled as 'the bad seed' and I ended up as 'the scapegoat' among other things.
It was a sad world to grow up in, since it seemed nothing we ever did would make them happy, which all of us tried to do, in our own ways.
Thanks Randy. Yes, I'm hearing you. I share your sentiments, difficult to navigate when there is no support and you're being labelled.
But you know the truth and your truth is what matters. You can never convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced.
Use your truth to move forward with your life and make the changes you want to make. Even if your father were alive today, you're doing this for you. You can still correct this for yourself.
As the adult you get to make new choices. As they say out with the old and in with the new.
Unrealistic parental expectations can cause real emotional harm, so it is important that parents develop a realistic set of expectations for themselves and their children.
I don't recall any overriding expectations of me, from my parents growing up. I think they knew I was capable so left me to my own devices.
Thankfully, I didn't get into too much trouble and took my education in my stride, without really trying. The downside of that is that they never told me they were proud of my achievements, but I get that from my family now.
Thanks. Yes, I think parents know their children well enough to know what they're capable of. I think you're right, even though your parents didn't say, they could see your capabilities.
It's a shame when parents miss out on giving their children praise. You should have had that. Children thrive on praise. It sets them up for life.
Not to praise or say you love a child can and does have dire consequences. No matter how parents are parented, they must go the extra mile and change things for their children.