Why support is important

I have never made my lack of emotional support as a child an issue, because in my mind I was self-sufficient, I got by. But it is because of my lack of support that I know how important it is to have support and be a support to others.

Children will depend on their parents and family to protect them and to provide for their needs. But being a support doesn’t mean we should try and fix other people’s problems. It simply means, we need to be a good listener and have a caring manner. Even if we don’t agree with what someone else says, we mustn’t judge.

Although support is a fundamental need for us all, it becomes much harder to maintain when one person is dealing with physical or emotional issues and the other must understand and act as a support.

How we choose to support is the backbone to all good relationships.

My suggestions below may help:

  • Take an interest and try not to criticise;
  • Listen to hear, not just to answer;
  • Don’t make your opinion bigger than the person’s you’re trying to help;
  • Be conciliatory even if you don’t agree;
  • It’s not for you to decide what others should do, they must make their own decisions;
  • Body language is important. Be careful not to show how you feel, even if you don’t agree;
  • Give the other person his or her own space: you don’t need to know everything.

Relationships cannot survive well without good support being in place. But to have that we must first be able to listen.

Support should always be given in a caring and nurturing way, so that others don’t feel compromised. It is an important part of the infrastructure that makes up a loving and caring family.

16 Nov, 2010

8 thoughts on “Why support is important

  1. I think you have covered it all and it’s really hard to find anyone that can fill those shoes. God, friends or family that have all or even a good portion of these traits come along only a few times in a lifetime and should be treasured.

    1. Brian, from my own experience this is not the case, but I am sure there are people out there who have had these kind of experiences. I have changed it for my own family. It was important to me that my experiences didn’t become those of my children.

  2. I have never made the lack of support I have received as a child a big issue, I learned how to be self-sufficient, to take care of myself. I never wanted to burden anybody with my personal problems.

    As I grew-up I realised that we all need to talk about the ‘stuff’ that is bothering us. We need to help each other.

    1. Bill, thanks for posting. I did exactly as you did with no support, I also became self-sufficient through necessity, but looking back that can work against us too.

      Now that I have more information to hand about what I am dealing with, it makes it much harder because I see those who should have protected me and didn’t. On the contrary I feel more aggrieved that it has taken me this long to know what I know now and not to have had the help that may have made all of this easier.

      I probably still wouldn’t have been happy to have CP, but I may have been more settled. It’s amazing what support does for a person.

      You are right, we do need to talk about our CP and we do need to help one another. I am here for you.

  3. It’s nice to know that the support is there when you need it. I grew up in a world where there wasn’t a whole lot of it, so I’m still not used to the concept.

    I’ll have to work on providing it for others, as well as accepting it for myself. Thanks for the topic.

    1. Thanks Randy. I know exactly where you’re coming from, but it is nice to know that we can give support to others even if we’ve not had it ourselves.

      I am sure it will come easier for you in time.

  4. I believe the support I received growing up was there, just not the right kind. I wasn’t supported mentally as much as physically and know I don’t receive the support I really need from my family, especially my spouse.

    Of course that can be my fault, partly because I need to really let him know how I feel and tell him how I need his support; but with a new baby around he seems to be changing a little. Maybe he’ll finally get it on his own.

    You’ve posted some good information here Ilana. I’m here for you.

    1. Lisa don’t be too hard on yourself about what you’re not telling your spouse!

      We all come into a relationship with things we have had to deal with. You outlining everything he needs to know about what you struggle with, would it make a difference?

      I think (probably not fair to say on a too big a scale) he would still have his own things to deal with that would probably get in the way at some point. Life tends to go like that!

      Maybe you are right, a new baby in your life will help, I hope so. I’m here for you too.

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