It isn't possible to grow up with a disability you don't know you have, and not live with trauma. I continue to talk about my experiences with developmental trauma through my writing, because trauma isn't something you get over. It's something you find a place for.
We may also experience trauma when a parent is present, but mentally and emotionally absent, through mental and/or emotional neglect, when a parent dies, or a parent leaves and disappears from your life.
Developmental trauma can affect us all
Developmental trauma can affect us all. It usually starts in childhood and continues into adulthood, or it can start in adulthood through a situation that leaves you overwhelmed and unable to cope, and that may not happen in childhood. It's associated with feelings of fear around experiences; feeling powerless over situations, as opposed to incidents that are easy to identify and deal with.
Not everyone will recognise trauma
Sadly, not everyone will recognise, or equate they have trauma. I didn't associate my trauma with my experiences. Having autism, but not knowing it was autism, meant I emotionally retreated without understanding, or knowing why.
Trauma can leave an impression
Trauma can happen through tempers, rage, alcohol addiction, or through a parent who deals with mental illness, or who has narcissistic personality disorder. Developmental trauma can leave a lasting impact on people, unless they choose to work on healing themselves. I chose to work on myself.
As a child, without the support, I didn't also correlate my physical symptoms with my mentally and emotionally difficulties, until I got my disability diagnosis for the first time and I could work things out.
Start to draw your attention to how you feel
I didn't draw attention to how I felt. Generally we don't always until something happens, we lose a loved one and grief becomes all too encompassing and we become gripped with feelings of anger without understanding there is more to our grief than just losing our loved one.
It is important to work through your experiences
Developmental trauma can impact grief in many other ways and unless we understand or choose to look and work through our experiences, we can remain stuck. We may turn to vices like overeating, alcohol and overworking, without equating our habits to developmental trauma.
Any traumatic experience can evolve into patterns that we carry through life that turn up as stress, in our emotions and in our physical bodies, resulting in mental health issues.
I cannot imagine how mentally traumatic it must have been for you, knowing you were different but not knowing why, especially if those around you denied it when you questioned them. Thankfully, you did find out and have sought to address the emotional trauma you suffered.
Many studies have shown that stress can continue long after the trauma is over, and this can affect physical and mental health, including how we think, feel and behave and make us more vulnerable to physical health problems, including chronic illnesses. It is hugely important we get a handle on trauma by getting help.
Joining The CP Diary community and reading your books are both great ways we can start to better look after our mental health, and I would encourage others to do so.
Thanks. yes, and having seen the stats decline, I know mental health isn't being addressed by others. Having spoken to my mother-in-law yesterday, on mental health issues, she said and I quote "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
Having written for The CP Diary for 12 years now, I have seen a decline, and it's not great. People are visiting my blog, but scooting through the pages. We have all struggled in the pandemic. I lost my twin to cancer in December, she'd struggled with mental health, she'd struggled to put one foot in front of the other.
And as much as I would like to see more people deal with their mental health, realistically I can only help them, if they choose to help themselves first. I haven't given up on writing about mental health and hope others will tap into theirs and be proactive.
But until mental health is taken seriously, until people start saying, yes I want to deal with how I feel, my writing may or may not help. I have given up trying to encourage others to take control of their mental health, but I live in hope they will.
My books Cerebral Palsy: 'A Story' Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me and Survival: The Covid Years that deal with mental health are all available on Amazon.