Every child has a right to know who they are and what they are living with.
This is part of my healing journey. I spent much of my life living with a condition I didn't know I had. Even now, I find myself reflecting on those experiences, trying to make sense of what happened, the challenges along the way, and how they continue to affect me today.
I think we all reflect on our experiences as we go through life. Sometimes, it's only with time and a greater understanding of what happened that we begin to recognise the guilt and responsibility we may have carried, even when they were never ours to carry.
My parents are now gone, and with them the opportunity to have conversations I needed to have. I tried but that didn't work. Years on, the closure I once hoped for through a physical conversation is no longer possible.
But closure doesn't have to come from a conversation or from the answers you never receive. Closure is about parting with the guilt and ownership and letting go of what I had to carry that what was never mine in the first place.
It's about allowing that responsibility and guilt to pass through to where they belong, rather than continuing to stand with them – you cannot change what happened and you cannot recover the conversations you needed to have, but you can change your relationship with what you carry.
This is a different closure. It cannot depend on the past being acknowledged or an explanation being provided. But nor does it require us to forgive simply because forgiveness is presented as the final stage of healing.
Understanding, acceptance and recognising where responsibility belongs are not necessarily the same as forgiveness. They can exist without it. And perhaps that is what matters most to me now.
I'm sure it's a question we have all asked.
No one has to continue carrying responsibility for what they didn't do, or guilt because they were made to carry it. You can acknowledge their place in your story without allowing them to remain yours.
So, the question is do you have to forgive or should you give? I am no longer convinced that you do. What matters is finding a way to let responsibility and guilt rest where they belong, so that what you have been through no longer stands with you.
That is closure.
