This quote encapsulates the ongoing presence of twin loss.

"Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear." – Unknown

For other twin sets, losing a twin either through death or separation, can be an incredibly difficult experience.

Here are my words of reflection:

Environment and upbringing

On reflection, our environment and upbringing carved out an altogether different twin relationship, but underneath I still believe we shared a special twin bond that other twin sets will tell you is hard to replicate with others. It's not always easy for me to verbally say what it feels like. Writing is easier.

I am unable to physically feel, part of my disability; but other twin sets may feel like they're grieving for two people: their twin and the relationship they shared with them. However you feel, it is essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings.

Reflections

I am taking time to reflect on my relationship with my twin; to think about some of the happy times, the challenges we both faced together and separately and the ways in which my personal experiences have shaped me into who I am today. We didn’t have it easy and growing up, we faced more than our fair share of challenges. We also both dealt with mental health. Eighteen months in and I am becoming more comfortable in my life without her.

Healing and moving forward

For anyone coping with loss, it is important to continue to heal, to be able to move forward. For anyone going through the grieving process, it's important to reach out for help, support and guidance if you need it. I hope my blogs can help. Healing is a process, and it takes time.

My twin may be gone, but her memory will always be with me.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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