"I’ve only ever known my life as a twin. From birth, everything I knew and understood about life came through the lens of being one half of a whole. It shaped how I saw myself, how I moved through my life and the world, and how others saw me. Being part of a twin, wasn’t just about having someone there – it was an identity and it was constant.
Like any relationship, being part of a twin came with both the good and the bad. There was comfort in the familiarity, ease in knowing someone was always there. But there were also challenges – like little space to grow, to be seen as individuals – shared attention – how others saw us, how they interacted with us. We were a unit – that was the shape of our lives. It was all we ever knew. Now with my twin gone, I am still not seen as an individual.
Growing up, we shared everything – our routines, school and friends. Our lives were mirrored and structured around each other. That was the norm for us and our identity. With a twin, you never had to think about being alone, because you never were. Our lives revolved around each other, even when we were apart. Through the good and the bad.
Now, with my twin gone, I am forced to live life as a singleton. It's unfamiliar, there is a loss of familiarity, of daily structure. The framework that supported me is gone. Looking back at the months before my twin's passing – it was a difficult time. A time I was ill-prepared for. A time it was impossible to prepare for. A life that was once whole with her in it – is now empty.
As friends and family move forward, I am in a space that is no longer there, no longer fits. The dynamic that once shaped both of our lives no longer exists. The structure is gone. The foundation, the familiar presence that carried us is also gone. With a disability I sense my twin is around – but in my daily life I am on my own.
So, once one half of a pair, a twin-set now gone, my twin's absence has created a permanent silence. It's lonely and quiet – a kind of loneliness that sits in the background of everything that is now part of the landscape.
