Although it’s not easy dealing with people who have controlling tendencies, part of their need for control is tied into self-esteem issues.
It’s important for our own mental health for us to take control from someone who has controlling tendencies.
The following may be helpful:
- Be co-operative with the person who is controlling you. Show that person you’re a team player and that you’re his or her equal and should be treated as such;
- Try to stay level-headed when you communicate, so that you’re in control of how you handle yourself. If need be, talk about how you feel to the person controlling you, so he is aware of how you feel about his or her behaviour;
- Be strong and try not to show any signs of weakness. People who control tend to control more when they know they are dealing with a weak person;
- Try to re-assert your authority so that person knows you will not be controlled;
In the same way as we haven’t got a right to control others, no one has a right to control us. The need for anyone to control others comes from a life of dysfunctional behaviour.
Controlling people will have lived that life or been around others who have perhaps controlled them.
I've been controlled once that I know of and I got out of the relationship which was hard to do. The person still tried to assert some control even when I got married!
Good information Ilana.
Thanks Lisa. I totally understand as I am sure will many other people. Glad you were assertive enough to stop it from happening twice.
If you live with a controlling person, you learn coping skills for what works and what doesn't.
I know with me if I raise my voice in a certain tone, my father knows not to mess with me. He will call me on it, but knows not to push me any further.
Yes you are right Randy, we can learn how to cope with certain situations and people better, but I would still think it depends very much on the person with the tendency to control.
From my own experience, people who are controlling tend to move the boundaries daily with no consistencies at all, which makes coping and putting our own strategies into place that much harder.
From what I have seen in my life, it doesn't always help; but I'm glad if what you do works for you.