It has taken me six decades to see myself more clearly, and I am still learning who I am. For years, I struggled with mental anguish and emotional turmoil simply to function. Trauma isn't easy to walk away from, but for the sake of one's wellbeing, it becomes important to loosen its grip and make room for a life beyond it.
It also becomes necessary to release the expectations that shaped earlier chapters of your life, so that the weight is no longer so heavy. When trauma is allowed to span decades, you are eventually forced to see it differently; not to diminish what happened, but to make room for a life beyond it.
Through writing, I have come to understand a disability I never knew I had, and in doing so, I have made sense of my experiences, transforming trauma into personal growth – something tangible – not only for myself, but for everyone who finds meaning in my words. Over the years, I consciously became aware of the extent to which I was putting others first, often at the expense of my myself and my own needs.
Taking back control has been pivotal to my mental and emotional health and has been a profound turning point. It has taught me about boundaries – when to protect my own wellbeing, recognise my own needs, and step away from the version of myself that existed primarily through the expectations of others.
As we grow and change, it becomes inevitable that our relationships will also change. Not because we become someone else, but because personal growth can alter long-established dynamics.
Learning to accept those changes isn't easy, but it is often necessary.
I still believe that mutual respect and understanding matter. Your harmony with others should never require the abandonment of who you are. Being accepted by others means little if it comes at the cost of being true to yourself.
I stand secure in who I am. Life with autism is difficult. Writing not only helps me to express myself, but it has also helped me to change the lens through which I view my life, allowing me to reclaim my own narrative. It gives shape and meaning to my experiences while enabling me to remain true to myself.
In piecing together my experiences and my life, I have come to understand them more fully and, in doing so, I have come to understand myself.
