How many of us constantly convince ourselves that we can’t possibly handle having a difficult conversation? I used to shy away from conversations. But the risk is more of the same inappropriate behaviour if we ignore the talk.
Unless we’re totally off the mark and we’re useless at reading our own signs, others know whether they’re easy to get on with, whether they’re approachable, or not.
Many of us put difficult conversations off, or convince ourselves that we should wait for the perfect time, but there never is a perfect time. The perfect time is having the conversation.
But you'd be kidding yourself if you think there is a perfect time. It’s us who need to make the time perfect. We should respond appropriately, be calm and in control at all times. Without having difficult conversations, we may have to live with unhappy consequences.
When we can bring about a positive outcome, we may have closure and we may heal. We can't heal if those conversations don't take place.
Guilty!!!!! I always say I'll wait for the right time and then it never happens, so I end up having the conversation at some point and usually it's when I'm upset about something if the conversation is with my husband.
I don't think that's the way to do it, but I can't get the nerve to have a conversation with my husband about certain things because I know how he will react.
I have no problems having conversations with my children. I can talk especially with my daughter about anything and she is cool about it. Sometimes she even takes my advice! I know I'll have to have a conversation with my son when he is older about him being adopted, but I have already started the ball rolling on that one.
I think he realizes that he is adopted but doesn't truly understand the meaning yet. He knows he is with a mommy and daddy that love him very much and that he won't be leaving us and his home. He has terrible attachment issues due to being moved to different homes after he became attached to each family and I'm sure he worries about being taken away from this home, but I have reassured him. He has been a little better since I talked to him.
Sorry I got off subject!! Conversations can be difficult but they must happen. If they don't we just live unhappily until they do.
Thanks Lisa. Yes you're right, this is not the way to do it because it's usually at everyone's cost!
We should all be approachable; we should all be able to say what we feel without any recourse to ourselves, our relationship or each other. All of these things help build the foundations that couples and families need.
If we're unable to talk about things with those who mean so much to us, we'll never be able to do talk about anything. Invariably though, but not in all cases, we don't talk about anything that's difficult because there are either underlying issues going on stemming from our own childhood or there's a problem with the relationship itself.
It's so important to have those difficult conversations so that everyone is happy.
I don't really remember my parents having just a normal conversation so they weren't very good examples. I know now that there's a big difference between conversations and confrontations which I hadn't known for a very long time.
It was much easier to avoid any of that but it also meant that I didn't learn to defend my rights when it was the right thing to do. I had no idea that it was possible to have a normal conversation and discuss something calmly and rationally.
Hopefully I can continue doing better with this and get on to having at least a semi-normal life.
I completely resonate with you on this Randy.
Until we've worked things through for ourselves we tend to emulate in part of our parents' behaviour, but now that you're familiar with the normal process of conversation I know you will continue to do better.