Although 'forewarned is forearmed,' means knowing about something before it happens so we can be prepared for it, I feel the same way about finding out that I had Cerebral Palsy, albeit a little late. For me it was retrospective.
The moment I found out what I was dealing with, I became more informed. For the first time it meant I could put a name to something I didn’t know I had. It empowered me, it has helped change my attitude and although it hasn’t brought about a resolve, it has brought about a new understanding that I didn't have before.
For the first time, I had an answer that could potentially open new doors on my understanding of my physical problems and it has. The load felt lighter that I’d finally turned a corner. I became more informed because of the diagnosis, although I knew it would take longer to work through my neurological difficulties.
Having a diagnosis has allowed me to bring about an understanding on something I knew nothing about. Knowing empowers us to change and to look for more change. Looking back, I went from being an angry, frustrated and irritated child, to a more content adult after the diagnosis.
Although a diagnosis doesn’t always bring full closure, because we deal with a physical disability, it does go some way to help explain our life to that point and bring about more answers than we had. My life had been a lie up to that point.
I was living my life behind a mask. Brushed under the carpet my condition was always there, a part of me, but totally out of reach.
It makes me wonder how you managed to come this far, but then I determined that your mind was waiting for an excuse to be something great. You found something inside of you most of us are still looking for, in just about every direction.
So while your disability has slowed you down in one area, it has awakened you in another. You have made some miraculous changes in your life.
Thanks Tim. Yes, my blogs do come across like that. I certainly feel as though I have made strides, but I'm not sure we ever stop.
Whilst those strides and my site keep me grounded and focused, I still feel I have a way to go. As human beings we evolve and continue to evolve. I don't think we ever stop.
As I write I continue to find a way through and try to make sense of my life of why?
Well, I have my Ilana tracker connected and I see that you're headed in the right direction. All I can do is hope that you take a few of us with you.
I am more than happy to take everyone with me. The way I see it we support each another.
I may write, but without your support and others like you Tim; who take 5 minutes out of your day each day to respond, I couldn't do what I do. Thank you.
You have certainly empowered yourself since your diagnosis; and in doing so have made a positive out of a hugely negative situation, part of which is The CP Diary.
You were always that person, but now you have a voice from within for all of us to listen to.
Awww thank you. Yes, my father said the same thing when I was 49 years old and I believe it to be true. Yes, I was angry, irritable and upset with myself as a child, but underneath the hardened exterior was a softer interior; a child desperate to be heard, listened to and understood.
Every now and again that part of me surfaced, but not often. I feel as though I have come full circle in the shape of The CP Diary. I finally have my voice.