Why is that we’re rude to people who are nice? We know they’re nice and yet we can't stop ourselves. It’s as though we hate that they're nice, that they have their emotions together and we don’t.
Hurt people hurt people
Perhaps it's because others haven’t been nice to us and we’re passing that hurt on to nice people, because we want them to hurt too. Perhaps it’s because we’re dealing with dark thoughts and feelings and those thoughts are bringing out the worst in us. Perhaps our dark side is much stronger therefore we end up not being nice, even rude.
Failing to tolerate 'nice people'
Perhaps it’s also got something to do with the fact that we’re uncomfortable that ‘nice people’ seem to have it all. We struggle and therefore don’t tolerate the way they handle themselves and that’s something we’re annoyed by. Perhaps we want to punish them because them being ‘nice’ reminds us that we’re not nice.
Punishing others for how weak we are
We’re weak and don't like that they have their act together. There’s also another train of thought. That being rude to nice people is us punishing them for them reminding us how weak we really are. But I’m not convinced, we see those things in ourselves. It's usually the other person's problem.
How hurting others affect us and them
We think it’s about the other person, when the reality is, it is about us. We don’t stop to think how not being nice affects others, and may often choose to lash out, without any regard. Somehow them being 'nice' brings out the worst in us.
But generally, we don’t stop to think about the impact of our actions on other people’s feelings. And to a point we probably don’t even care. That's where we're going wrong because we need to care. We should just 'be nice.'
Hurt people hurt people. This is one of the things I first thought of, seeing as I know I have been guilty of doing that before myself.
Of course it didn't help that my mother encouraged that behavior in me, usually just to irritate my dad and my siblings, for whatever twisted reasons she had.
I can admit now, that I was an obnoxious and sarcastic little twerp at times, but it wasn't a person I actually liked being, so I was always very torn and conflicted, to put it mildly.
It also didn't help that we were pretty much forced to be nice to a lot of very sick people, so I came to despise being nice to people when I really didn't want to be. The end result was not knowing how to really deal with people, seeing as I lost the ability to tell the difference.
Usually the only time people were nice to me, was when they wanted something from me; so there is that fact too. It's no wonder that I have developed so many trust issues, considering how easy it was for them to use and abuse me, while I seemed powerless to stop them.
I have wasted so much of my life being a people pleaser and hating every second of it. The reality is that I have been drawn to the same type of people I grew up with, subconsciously I would imagine, who end up not appreciating any of my efforts and probably never would, just because that's the kind of person that they are.
My mother was one of them who was never happy, no matter how much I did for her and all I ever wanted was to make her happy, so it's no wonder I have such deep seated 'mommy issues' that I can't seem to overcome.
It feels like it would take a miracle to accomplish this, but it's the only way that I can truly move on with my life to actually enjoy living and to be the nice guy that I actually want to be.
Thanks Randy. Yes, we should all be nice, regardless of what we get to deal with. There can be no excuse as the adult of course.
But as a child Randy, you weren't responsible for the things you had no control over, particularly through your early conditioning. What you describe actually, was my childhood too. It's how we were parented.
Even people our parents were in contact with, who weren't an aunt or uncle, we had to call them aunt and uncle and be nice to them, no matter how they behaved towards us.
Days can be long when someone disrupts our private dignity with rudeness.
But I find it best to let rude folks walk on by, and hopefully I'll have the restraint to do the same.
Thanks Tim. Yes, difficult to do. It seems to take a while to shake their behaviour off.
I do agree with you though it's better to let rude and abusive people walk on by, but sadly they often don't. They tend to come back at some point.
They're never gone for long.
Yes, if people are consistent with their rudeness, then we're looking at their desperation, their internal wickedness.
We do not want to be at the center of their storm; that's something solely within themselves.
Yes we are looking at their internal wickedness and their desperation. You're absolutely right.
And although 'their storm' is theirs to deal with, they usually make 'their storm' about us.