I deal with the things I have control over. The things I have little, or no control over, I let go of those, but I've not always done it that way. As a child, I held on to everything, because I lived with other people's guilt because that guilt had no where to go. But the guilt we have is rooted in fear. We worry that without control we may struggle to function normally.
Control keeps us attached
Control keeps us attached to an outcome, which we’re afraid to move on from. The outcome is something we’re familiar with, and we'd rather stay with it, than have to work through change.
The Universe Expects us To Comply
The universe expects us to comply with its rules. We can’t always be in control of our circumstances, but we can learn to manage those. I believe things happen for a reason and that if an opportunity comes knocking, it’s for us to work through, whether we have control or not.
But not having control, doesn’t limit your ability to manage or bring issues or circumstance to a head. Decisions that we don't make that someone else makes for us, is them having control. It is needing to have control that creates the stress.
The Universe Micromanages
When we believe the universe micromanages the overall outcomes, we can surrender to a higher force, and let go. It is important to stop having to have control all the time.
For the things you can't control, you need to have faith, to let the natural order of things occur as they’re meant to.
Surrender wasn't a good word in the world I grew up in, but like the expression in AA goes, 'surrender to win' is the better option.
I spent most of my life feeling like I didn't have any control after a childhood of being forced to surrender by an endless barrage of brainwashing techniques that finally broke my spirit and very nearly destroyed my soul.
Nobody attempted to explain the difference between things that I can change and the things I can't, so I always felt like I couldn't change anything and had to accept whatever came along.
The reality is that I don't have to accept things the way they are, there are things I can change, like my living situation, which desperately needs to change.
I'm praying that I can figure out the solution to this dilemma as I have better options out in the real world.
Thanks Randy. Yes, you've continually said you're not happy and that things need to change; you're the only one who can change them.
It's taken me too many years to change my own circumstances around what I've had to deal with, so I know how you feel. When you and I were growing up, being 'seen and not heard' was often the style of parents' parenting.
As you say there are things you can change, and you don't have to accept things the way they are, but to do all of that, you must let go.
I'm in control of how I maneuver through what I'm not in control of. So I surrender to my instincts, of which I trust with my life.
Thanks Tim. Yes, surrendering to our instincts is a good way to bring understanding back into the equation and that helps us take back control.
Being mindful is also another way. Being aware of what is going on around us, or using our past experiences to bring clarity into our present, also helps.
I tend to work with my instincts for everything. That way whether I have control or not, I feel more in control.