Where those who have a disability put protective walls up and behave in alert mode even when someone is being nice to them, protective walls aren’t just something they do because they want to. It's often a trust issue around what they deal with.
Protective walls
Whilst it's important not to go into a relationship with our walls up, it is very much a 'trust' issue. There are people who genuinely struggle with trust, until such a time they feel they can trust.
Protective walls aren't something you should want to live with. Any protective wall that’s been there for long enough can be the difference between a successful relationship, and a potential break up. Not everyone will put up with living on the other side of a wall, particularly if they're sensitive.
Be open and honest
For partnerships to flourish, we all should be open and honest. The irony is that where the walls are up for ourselves, we may not struggle to talk about other people’s difficulties, but we may struggle to talk about own.
My protective walls were a necessity in the world I grew up in, but I also haven't known how to take them down or to use them against toxic people.
I have been in such a long and toxic relationship due to the fact that most of my walls were broken down over time by my a mother who brainwashed me so that I could do her bidding. She didn't seem to grasp the concept of boundaries like normal parents.
She eventually succeeded in breaking down most of my walls, very nearly destroying my soul, which is why I have struggled to protect my boundaries.
I half jokingly say that my inner child is frozen in carbonite, but in reality that isn't far from the truth.
Thanks Randy. Yes, protective walls usually go up to stop others from coming into our space, from abusing or neglecting and for a finite time it works.
But we must begin to take back control of our lives, look at our experiences in their entirety, so that we can deal with and go on to make new experiences in a more healthy environment, than the one we left behind.
I believe it's a necessity if we are to avoid repeated patterns from our childhood being played out in our adult lives.