How did I feel receiving a box of books on publication day? Honestly, it felt surreal as if the books were being delivered for someone else, not me.
I am thankful
Touching the pages and looking through the book, I am thankful. I never thought I'd get to know what my disability was never mind be able to write about it. It's also tinged with irritability and sadness, but happy I've been strong enough to live through my ordeal.
I go back to the point that I could never understand my experiences, or disability without my writing, without writing my cerebral palsy book. I have had to wait 56 years to complete my disability journey, and to find out and to understand my symptoms, to understand me.
The 'Knowing Universe'
The universe understood my plight, more than I was able to understand it myself. What’s irritating, is that as I play back the tapes, my mental and emotional struggles didn’t have to be struggles. My disability would always have been for me, but my irritabilities and anger, didn’t have to be. I have come through the other end. For the first time, my experiences are explained, now tucked in a beautiful paperback book.
If you fancy reading either of my books, you can grab paperback and Kindle copies on Amazon, or through the following link https://www.thecpdiary.com/my-books
I'm sure that it did bring up a lot of mixed emotions, considering what you have been through that most people won't ever really understand.
I can only imagine, what I would feel like if I received a box of books from one that I had written. One of the many things that my parents drilled into me was the 'don't talk' rule, where we weren't supposed to disclose anything about what was really going on at home, behind closed doors.
It has kept me a prisoner of my own mind and paralysed me from doing the things that I have wanted to do. I need to break down those barriers and live the life I have always wanted to live.
Thanks Randy. It's lovely that you understand, thank you. It helps to know that I am not alone with my thoughts.
It helps to know there is support and that we can all support one another. It's a shame your parents drilled into you that you mustn't talk about the things that matter.
Years on and we can change that. We can break down those barriers.
You have always had a book inside of you, Ilana. I believe you will continue to write books and mirror to us your experiences, as you reclaim your life.
This moment is a very happy one, for all of us.
Thanks Tim. You are right, but it's not something I could see back then. I do think our circumstances, the things we struggle with can be the catalyst for us to change.
We must see that or nothing will change. Now I am happy and relieved I have come through to be able to make sense of my disability and to understand it for the very first time. It's up to others to reconcile also.
I am intending to write another book, this time it will be centred around my passions, the very things that got me through my darkest days.