Looking through and going back to read some of my earlier blogs, I didn’t realise how damaged my emotions were at the time I set up and started writing blogs for The CP Diary.
When I look back on those blogs, there seems to be a theme running through them. They highlight real issues around neglect, which I wasn't consciously aware of. That’s the thing about our experiences that where we think we're not affected, we clearly are.
The pattern of how I blog and what goes into each of my blogs reflects my experiences at that time, my thoughts and feelings on how I see those experiences, how I see myself and what I had to deal with at that time and where I was emotionally. Each blog, although different were very similar and seemed to follow on from one another.
It’s the first thing that struck me when I looked back at my blogs. Four years on and the theme changed. I wasn’t so hung up on my earlier thoughts, I felt better in myself. My writing changed. I felt more emotionally free. I wasn’t holding on to all the old thoughts that were constantly weighing me down. I was feeling less emotionally challenged.
My writing style is now more mature. Although the focus is still on my many experiences, because it is my blog, the focus is now less on me and more on the way I see life on old and new experiences.
What each of my blogs have is a subtle message of what to look for and how we can change.
Yes, a recurring theme for both of us was the sheer amount of neglect that we endured during our childhoods. Just getting it out of my head has helped me a lot, because I tend to avoid thinking about what it was really like because it is so painful.
I often wonder what my life could have been like had I had parents who were actually concerned about my wellbeing. This is why I often relate to the things you have written about over the past few years. I have said quite often that you write about the very subjects that I am dealing with at the time.
There aren't many people besides my siblings who really know what it was like but I believe you have a very good idea. I'm thinking that this is the dilemma that so many of us face who have had dysfunctional childhoods.
We don't always have a lot of chances to talk with others who have been through similar experiences. I know for me I was brainwashed and forced into keep the family secrets, which meant my entire childhood too. There were things that happened that I'm only now feeling like I can talk about without feeling so guilty about it.
My brain even tries to shut down on me when I try to think about certain things because they are so unpleasant. I have wasted most of my life fighting to avoid dealing with them, but I know I will have to if I want any peace in my life.
I don't want to end up as one of those lost souls roaming the Earth because of having unfinished business.
Thanks Randy. I think that's the thing about our childhoods Randy. We carry guilt by the bucket loads, because those responsible choose not to accept responsibility. You don't have to.
We have to find a way of dealing with injustice without carrying other people's guilt. My blogs and my spiritual beliefs often help with that. I am pleased my blogs help and hope they will continue to help you too.
Anyone who knows anything about The CP Diary knows that progression occurs over time. This is a life producing medication option.
The bottom line is that, no physician or pharmacist can assist us with spiritual insight the way you do; I'm sure everyone would agree with that.
Awww thanks for the compliment Tim. The CP Diary is for everyone who wants to make a change in their lives and find peace.
I believe that is vital more than ever now because of our changing world; one which I myself am beginning to recognise.