I have never been more exposed to the elements of everyday life since both my parents passed and that is scary. Walking through life being grown up is never easy, more so dealing with my neurological issues.
I have days where I manage to take things in my stride; days where I make decisions and I seem more than happy with my decisions and days where issues just seem beyond me and with others relying on me.
And I’m still expected to be grown up, when I’m really not feeling it. It would be lovely to fast-forward those days so that I can just be myself, without having to be all grown up. Rant over.
I know how you feel. With the impending death of my mom, I'm constantly questioning myself as to if I'm grown up and don't want to be. I still want and need my parents. I'm not over my fathers death which was in 2004.
My mom was talking about things that would happen when she goes yesterday. What she has picked out to wear and who would be performing the music and funeral. I didn't want to hear it. I'm in denial I know.
I'm going to feel lost when she is gone. I don't want to be the grown up much anymore.
Thanks Lisa. Our upbringing definitely is responsible for this. As you've said before Lisa there were many aspects to your childhood where your parents' shielded you. Unfortunately that doesn't help us become an adult in the adult world.
I started my adult life when I left home at the age of 25. I know how you feel. Our families rely on us and we don't always feel ready for that.
All I would say is that none of us have any choices, it's where we are. We just have to make the best of what we can do and what we have.
Very true considering I've had to deal with that myself in the past few years.
I've had to deal with making decisions for my mother after she ended up with dementia and now have to do it for my father who has the same issue. It's just very difficult for me considering there were a lot of times when we were kids, where we were expected to be the adults and take care of them!
I could write a book on the feelings it brings up, but that's something for another time. Suffice to say I don't always enjoy being forced to make adult decisions but I'm trying to do the best I can to make the right ones.
Thanks Randy. I know how you feel too. All the things you describe in your response are the things that as a child we should never have to describe.
It's not something we can take back either, but as you say Randy you're trying to do the best you can now to make the right adult decisions.
I am sure given time you will succeed. The fact that you know you shouldn't have had to do these things Randy will help you understand the reasons why you must move on.
I know how you feel and I suspect we all have those feelings from time to time.
Life does have a propensity to place us in situations whereby we have to make important decisions whether we feel capable of making those decisions or not at that time. It's all part of the circle.
Becoming a parent was the real game changer for me and that plunges you into making decisions overnight. Twenty two years on, one half of me still thinks I'm not old enough to make those decisions.
I think you're absolutely right in what you say. Life tends to go like that. Certain decisions seem easier than others.
It's nice to know I'm not alone. It certainly helps to have had the right tools to work from and that comes earlier in life. That bit I missed out on.