We were different from other twins through our upbringing, which didn't work for us. My twin and I led independent and separate lives, not through choice, but the twin bond was always there.

Losing my twin is painful

Losing my twin a year ago, is a painful, difficult and overwhelming experience. There is a permanent silence, a void without her. A void that is important I talk about. I am allowing myself to grieve, I need to place and work through our lives together; I need to give myself time to heal and to find my new normal.

My twin was my security

Being a twin provided me with a sense of security and although we had separate lives, there was an automatic companionship there. We were there in the background for each other. We didn't have to try in that respect. Now without my twin and for the first time, I feel scared and lonely. She was a constant presence in my life. She was the other half of me.

I am scared

Through writing I have become more confident in myself. Losing my twin has knocked that, but I also know I am capable of navigating my life on my own. Truth be told I am scared. I need time to work out how to do that and that will take time, made harder because I'm doing it without her in the pandemic.

My blog brings a sense of acceptance being able to talk about her, about these things. Losing her is harder because I deal with a mental disability. I have no personal access to her through dreams, and without a presence, means the silence and void has become even greater.

An opportunity for growth

While it is challenging, I know it can also be an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. I need time.