The statement "you can't get angry at mental illness" suggests when someone has a mental illness, you can't get angry because they live with a mental illness – the idea would therefore be to separate the person from their condition — a compassionate and empathetic stance. However, the application of this in the real-world is complex – and reactions like frustration or anger is understandable and valid, even when mental illness is at play.

It can be broken down as follows:

The Nature of Mental Illness and Control

Mental illnesses often involve symptoms that manifest in attitudes and behaviours that are hard to deal with, both for the individual and for those around them. People with conditions like depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or personality disorders might exhibit irritability, aggression, detachment, or self-harm. While these behaviours stem from their illness, the people affected by them are not always aware of the impact and in certain situations, they may not even recognise the behaviour. It's never acceptable to cause pain, suffering, or illness to someone else because of anger, including being mean and spiteful. When it comes to anger, it is crucial to find healthy and constructive ways to process and express feelings of anger.

The Impact of Anger on Relationships

When it comes to mental illness, while people can't always control their mental illness, the fallout from untreated or severe symptoms can deeply affect their loved ones. Partners, family members and friends can feel drained, even traumatised by their loved ones' behaviour if the behaviour is allowed to continue. Feelings of anger or resentment often arise at the consequences of the illness.

Boundaries and Self-Protection

It is important to note that recognising mental illness does not diminish the significance of maintaining personal boundaries. It is okay to feel and express frustration, even while maintaining empathy for the other person. Boundaries are necessary and allows for self-protection. It is healthy to speak out, to say, “I understand you’re struggling, but I can’t be treated this way,” or “I need space right now.” This allows for both compassion and self-care.

Emotional Validity vs. Emotional Expression

It is important to validate your emotions: feeling angry is normal, but how we express anger is not always healthy. It is important to channel anger more productively. No one should have to be on the receiving end of anger. Instead of lashing out, talk it out, join a support group, or have an honest conversation – they are healthier ways of processing those emotions.

Conclusion: A Nuanced Approach

Although it's not fair to hold someone fully accountable for symptoms beyond their control, it’s also not realistic or healthy to suppress natural emotional responses to difficult behaviours and expect others to tolerate such behaviour. Anger issues can cause stress, stress can cause anxiety; anxiety can cause depression and depression can cause cancer. Anger in response to mental illness is complex – but it is crucial to find ways to acknowledge and manage anger, rather than simply deny its existence.

In short:
- Compassion and understanding are essential, but so are boundaries and self-care.
- It’s okay to feel anger; it’s how we handle and channel it that matters.
- The statement "you can't get angry at mental illness" is well-intentioned but oversimplified. It’s better to recognise that anger, like any emotion, is part of a broader emotional issue that needs to be addressed.
- It doesn’t absolve those who are mentally challenged or those who choose not to address their mental illness when the topic is brought up. Being defensive, denying one’s anger, or shifting the focus onto someone else does not excuse ones anger or behaviour.

Conclusion

All mental illness needs addressing. All mental health needs addressing. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is another common disorder that has become accepted, a part of society.

It is okay to feel angry. Sometimes it helps to say that you are and to then deal with how you feel. Don’t leave it because anger can threaten both physical and mental health if allowed to continue. What’s not okay is pushing anger on to others. If you are angry it is important to accept you are angry — and deal with how you feel. They say an angry child becomes an angry adult. Anger management can help.