When someone spends years being unfairly treated, those feelings don't just disappear.

Things may go unspoken until someone reaches their limit. They raise their voice, become defensive, or they walk away.

And suddenly, that's all anyone talks about.

The focus shifts from what happened to how that person reacted. The original hurt gets overlooked, and they're left defending their behaviour rather than being heard in the first place.

But a bad reaction doesn't erase what happened before it.

Anger isn't always about someone's character. It's about feeling unheard.

Anger doesn't tell the whole story. It highlights that there is a story we may not have taken the time to understand.

A child who seems angry, difficult or defensive may be carrying things others haven't taken the time to understand. There may be a much softer, more vulnerable side to that child that rarely gets seen.

But understanding someone's reaction is not the same as excusing it.

You can apologise for shouting without taking back what you were trying to say. You can acknowledge your part without accepting all the blame. It's important to be heard, and given a fair hearing, too.

And that's the difference between accountability and blame.

We should also be careful when judging situations we've only witnessed from the outside. The person who appears calm isn't automatically in the right, just as the person who gets upset isn't automatically in the wrong.

You cannot know for sure what happened before you walked into the situation.

Sometimes we're judging the reaction without knowing the story behind it.

The story is what matters.

Until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes, we can never truly understand the weight they've been carrying, the battles they've been fighting or the reasons they've reached their breaking point.

Do not judge.