I’ve been very open and honest about my struggles. I still continue to be open about my struggles and although I am okay, it comes at a cost when I continue to find out yet even more about myself.
If nothing else I am honest
I’ve also been honest about and not hiding from the fact that until the age of 46 I didn’t know I had cerebral palsy, even though I had been diagnosed at 2. But instead of ignoring my issues, I look in the mirror every day. I shine the torch on myself and my symptoms, using my experiences as a base line.
I have never stopped working things out, how I present through my neurological impairments. Through social media I have also been able to piece some of my symptoms together. By reading other people’s tweets and stories and finding out about their symptoms, I have been able to compare mine with theirs.
My co-occurring disorders
It doesn’t come as any great surprise then to learn then that through cerebral palsy I have co-occurring disorders (comorbidity) that form part of the original cerebral palsy diagnosis. I refer to this briefly in another of my blogs.
As a result of cerebral palsy and comorbidity, I have ASD (“Autism Spectrum Disorder”). As part of ASD I have other co-occurring disorders. Everything I have written to date in my blog form part of those, co-occurring disorders. This blog continues on.
What is comorbidity?
Comorbidity, “is the presence of one or more additional diseases or disorders co-occurring with a primary disease or disorder.” In my case cerebral palsy. “In the sense of the term, a comorbidity (plural comorbidity) is each additional disease or disorder. The additional disorder may be a behavioural or mental disorder.” – Wikipedia
A memory comes to mind. Having gone to see an orthotics specialist for problems with my walking, having seen me walk, he confirmed that he thought I had cerebral palsy. Although I felt slightly numb at being told he thought it was cerebral palsy, his diagnosis brought about a sense of peace for two minutes.
I finally had a name to something I knew nothing about and that felt easier. It felt like my life meant something. What his diagnosis did was bring a reason for my disability.
8 + Years of Research
Years on and with 8+ years of more research behind me and now potentially a final piece to the jigsaw, it brings about explanations for my experiences. I have something more I can draw on that explains my behaviour traits ‘and me.’
In my next more personal blog, I will elaborate more on my ASD diagnosis and try to piece more of what that really means for me.
Yes, so many different pieces, but when you start putting them together, so many things finally start making sense.
In a way, I have been trying to do the same thing while following your blog, seeing as so many of your posts have ended up being about the issue I was dealing with at the time.
Things like finally being diagnosed as having ADHD just a couple of years ago, finally made sense to me, since I have always dealt with the symptoms.
In the world I grew up in, we had to learn how to adapt to our issues, rather than deal with the fact we had them to begin with.
I never wanted to be anything like my parents, but I am so much like them. The biggest issue is that there are some pieces that will always be missing, but I must do the best I can with what the pieces I have and hope for the best.
I am pleased through my blogs Randy, things are beginning to make sense for you too.
I will never stop my blog, but I hope one day not to have to piece my symptoms together in the way I'm having to do.
But I think you're right, as children we tend to have to adapt to our issues, rather than deal with the fact that we have them.
I think you are less like your parents than you think. Your parents will have given any of this a second's thought. You shine a torch on yourself all the time.
In my thinking that makes you more like you and less like your parents.
Most of us never get close to completing the jigsaw, but then most of us don't start with as many missing pieces as you.
Each and every piece fills a void that shouldn't need filling and answers a question that shouldn't need asking. What you've done is nothing short of amazing, but you must keep looking for those answers nonetheless.
You probably couldn't make 'my story' up. But it is my story and I will never give up, until I have all my answers. Yes, thank you.