"There are so many things I grew up with not knowing about myself, the biggest bug bear is not knowing why staring back in the mirror there was no animation in my smile, or my eyes. I had a lack of facial expression, through autism, I didn’t know I had. Who doesn't know that?
For anyone dealing with autism, it’s not just how you look, it’s how you smile, the way you look, it’s in the eyes. When I looked in the mirror, I was aware there was something, but nothing about autism was highlighted or mentioned, so I continually shrugged it off.
Where my siblings have an animated smile, my smile is expressionless. As a child, I couldn’t explain what I saw. I tried not to pay attention to the mirror. I may appear unresponsive, the lights are installed but nothing is connected.
Where I may look blankly, it is difficult for others because they can't always gage whether I’m listening, or I’ve heard what they've said and that makes for difficult communication and fallouts."
I'm familiar with this issue as my niece has Asperger's and there are times when her expressions seem blank, as if things aren't registering with her.
I'm guessing that's why people don't know how to deal with her, seeing as it can be very difficult to read her expressions. The unusual part is that I seem to have the knack of being able to do this naturally, which is something that I wish I had used more of.
In the early years, I was discouraged to use the gift on anyone, but with my other, who used it to her advantage. It's a matter of paying more attention to what people aren't saying, rather than what they are saying and reading between the lines.
Thanks Randy. I love that you understand. Yes, the blank expression has got me into trouble and still gets me into trouble, more times than I care to remember.
You're right though, paying attention to what's not being said is a good way to understand someone who deals and struggles with autism.
If there was more tolerance and understanding, it would be less of a problem. It's all to do with people's perceptions, how they deal with themselves and therefore how they deal with us.