You know when you're being controlled. If you’re being controlled and you’re not sure you are, it will eventually become obvious. My whole life has been one of control.
We have a right to make our own decisions
As individuals we have a right to make and live by our own decisions. Where you're not allowed to make your own decisions, you are being controlled. When I look back on my life, I see things more clearly. At the time I didn't always get it.
We think family have our back and don't question motives. As a child you don't question.
Perhaps some of the following applies to you:
Control
Some parents may call their children several times a night to make sure they are where they say they will be. Not all children will know or understand they are being controlled, unless they are consciously living their lives and are aware of the control. If you are being controlled, it becomes the norm.
I didn't understand the control family had on me. And as a pleasing child, I thought I was being looked after. It’s not normal for adults to have to live by another adult's rules, and sadly it's the norm. It very much depends on the environment they were brought up in. If parents don't encourage and insist their children follow their rules and it becomes an uphill struggle for them, there will always be an element of control going on.
Understanding boundaries
It is important children have and understand their boundaries, but it is equally important they understand the lack of compliance from their parents.
My life has been controlled from the very beginning. I was forced to accept it and if I tried to rebel, there was always hell to pay.
It's only recently that I have started enjoying my freedom and making my own choices. Only now am I comprehending how horrible it is to be controlled and how great it is to just enjoy the freedoms that so many people used to take for granted.
Thanks Randy. Yes, I can resonate. I am pleased that you're now enjoying your freedom and making your own choices.
It is only when we look back we begin to equate what we've been through. We can't change what's past, but we can change how we choose how we go on to live our lives and make the changes we need to make.
I fell into the trap of being controlled like many without realising, and should have done something about it many years before I did and made different decisions along the way. But then hindsight is a very blunt instrument.
Ironically, as I child I had little to no control from anyone and maybe that contributed (amongst a whole load of other reasons too) to how easily I was to control as an adult.
That was a difficult lesson learned for the next life...
Thank you. Yes, in this life also... once bitten twice shy as they say. As my mum once said, you're a long time dead. It is important we make changes whilst we're still living.
We don't always see the signs or make the connections, but it's never too late to change. I am sure you having your own life as a child, contributed to how you then felt as the adult having someone else control your life.
But control comes from narcissistic traits and those aren't easily contained. Give the guilt back. It's not yours to own or carry.