Does disability define us?

Date 24 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Does disability define us? Unconsciously, disability does, unless we choose to opt out. I have cut out a niche that doesn’t define my disability. I’m not embarrassed by it, I don’t allow myself to hide behind it and I don’t use my disability as a tool for my writing, because…
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My ups and downs

Date 21 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
It’s taken me too many years to understand why I continue to have up and down days. It has taken me too many years to understand everything there is to know about my neurological impairments and why they make me feel panicked. Because my perceptions are heightened, any issues I…
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Denial and the facts

Date 18 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Food for thought: Living in denial will never change the facts as much as we’d like to believe they will. We can live in denial, we can shut the truth out for a finite time, but the truth will always come back. The further we drift away from the truth,…
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Running away

Date 17 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
As we continue to protect ourselves by ignoring the truth, we become more exposed than we are protected. It wasn’t so much that I was ignoring the truth, others were ignoring my truth. Until I came to piece my own life together, that was my life. It would be many…
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Closing the door

Date 12 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
I wake up with the same recurring thoughts whirling through my mind of things wronged, by those who were supposed to support and protect me, growing up. Unless we deal with and close the door on some of the older issues, we will never realistically be able to bring closure…
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It matters

Date 10 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
It used to bother me that when I looked in the mirror and I was standing straight, I was lopsided. I couldn’t quite get over that. Now it bothers me that I live with scoliosis and that I’ve been living with it since the age of 25, but I only…
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Recognising fault

Date 9 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Some of us will go through life never admitting or recognising we’re wrong or admit our faults; but would still be quick off the mark when it came to recognising other people’s faults. Do we even recognise our faults? There’s something about the human condition that makes us hesitant to…
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Uncontrollable thoughts

Date 6 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
As a child, it used to take me seconds to talk myself into things and weeks, months and even years to talk myself out of those things. My environment, together with my neurological issues had a lot to do with my bad thoughts. I’d worry for days, weeks, even months.…
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Making a difference

Date 4 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Make a difference. When you do something, do it for nothing instead of doing it for something. Make more effort than people come to expect. When I was growing up, people genuinely cared about each other. Even if we didn’t have time, we made time to help other people out.…
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When it's time to move on

Date 3 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
We spend our lifetime pretty much with the same people without unconsciously stopping to think whether the people we share our lives with are right for us. We assume they are without giving it a second’s thought. It often takes a disagreement for us to recognise that the person we…
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Reasons to succeed

Date 1 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Somewhere along the way in our long and distant past, we unconsciously give ourselves reasons to fail, instead of giving ourselves reasons to succeed. Unconsciously, because I’m not sure anyone would wittingly put their name to something they thought they were going to fail at. It becomes easier to look…
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Detaching oneself

Date 28 February 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
When we begin not to care and consciously take the emotions away from a particular person or issue, we take away the element of struggle. The reason why we struggle and continue to struggle, is because we continue to carry the emotions that attach us to a particular issue or…
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