The CP Diary: Why I Still Write

Date 27 September 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
From searching for answers to finding my voice After sixteen years of writing I often think about why I still continue. When I started writing, I was trying to make sense of my life. I had spent decades without knowing ...
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Finding Strength through Autism

Date 25 September 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Understanding my autistic mind later in life and discovering the strengths within it As a child I would start something and give up. I struggled with motivation. I had no idea why. With autism, there are rarely half-measures ...
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How Loss Uncovers Past Trauma

Date 19 September 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
How losing my twin changed the way I understand my past It has been nearly four years since my twin died, and I can see more clearly now what her death uncovered. Grief stripped away a layer of my life that ...
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The Life I Knew

Date 16 September 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Later Learning It Should Have Been Different I write to heal. I lived with a disability I didn't know about. It's not news, but looking backwards, after living your life, you can see just how much becomes understandable ...
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What Shapes Us

Date 12 September 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Some things become part of us before we ever begin to question them Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself. You know where you came from, and sometimes you know what it could turn you into if you let it. That ...
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Depression is REAL

Date 6 September 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Healing, understanding and why empathy matters Dealing with depression is REAL. There isn't a lot of support out there and I don't think people always understand how much empathy someone needs when they ...
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The Life I Might Have Chosen

Date 31 August 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Mourning the choices I never had Standing back from my life and trying to understand it now doesn't mean I no longer have feelings about what happened. I do. My life was shaped for me long before I had the chance ...
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The Knowledge That Was Always There

Date 28 August 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
The past cannot change, but the understanding can Knowledge can arrive at the wrong time because the people you needed to hear it from are no longer there. And there is nowhere to take that knowledge. Not knowing ...
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Since When Was Doing the Right Thing the Wrong Thing?

Date 25 August 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Have we become so focused on what works for us that we've forgotten what it means to work together? Someone said something to me recently that has stayed in my mind ever since: "Since when was doing the right thing ...
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We Don't Need More Mental Health Awareness

Date 23 August 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
We Need An Altogether Different Attitude For years, we have been told that we need more mental health awareness. I live with autism, and mental health is something I’ve had to navigate as a consequence. To some extent ...
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With Time

Date 20 August 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Making peace with a life is not the same as understanding why it unfolded as it did. There comes a time when you realise you have spent years living a life that you can describe in detail, and yet you still can't fully ...
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An Ordinary Moment

Date 16 August 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
When Something Becomes an Achievement in Itself I particularly remember one of my father’s regular visits to my home after Mum died, when we got onto the subject of aspirations and I mentioned my writing and ...
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