Cerebral Palsy and Undiagnosed Autism

Date 6 April 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Living Without Understanding I grew up with cerebral palsy. That was known. What wasn’t known was autism. I lived with both, but only one had a name. Growing up I didn’t know or have an explanation I could use. I didn't ...
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Where My Focus Goes

Date 4 April 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Making Sense of a Life that Felt Harder Than it Needed To Be The hardest part for me, living with something I didn’t know I had, isn’t always what people think. If the shoe were on the other foot, I don’t believe anyone in my ...
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When Silence Is All You Were Taught

Date 1 April 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Silence as a Learned Response, Not a Chosen One The silent treatment isn’t always a choice. Sometimes, it’s the only language someone knows. For many, silence didn’t begin in adulthood. It began much earlier ...
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What Becomes Clear After They're Gone

Date 28 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Clarity After Loss: Seeing What Was Always There When people talk about losing someone they had a relationship with, they usually do it as though everything was intact. But that isn't always true. Sometimes, what changes after ...
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Living With What I Didn't Choose

Date 26 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
On Late Understanding, Trauma, and Their Impact One of the most difficult things I have had to come to terms with is the realisation that I have been living with a disability I didn’t know I had. I keep circling back to this, because ...
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Still My Own

Date 24 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Before I Understood: And Without Autonomy These daily posts are part of an ongoing attempt to understand. I didn’t trade autonomy. Instead, I held onto it quietly, in the background. I learned to make myself small. I never ...
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Late Diagnosis: Separating Responsibility from Explanation

Date 22 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Letting Go Of What Was Never Mine It’s been important for me to separate responsibility from explanation. Working things out and having an explanation doesn't erase others' choices, but it can remove unfair blame for ...
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I Thought It Was Me

Date 20 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing Up Without the Support I Needed Looking back on my childhood, I realise that what was lost was not just my progress at school, but a part of my youth. Years that should have been spent building confidence were ...
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I Didn’t Fail: Reframing My Past After Decades

Date 18 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Discovering a childhood diagnosis later in life often brings a response similar to grief. It’s a common and natural process. It's taken decades. I’m still trying to understand what I feel now, knowing what I know. There’s ...
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Sitting In My Truth

Date 16 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Reflecting on Discovering Cerebral Palsy at Forty-Six. I didn’t know that I had cerebral palsy until I was forty-six. Most children grow up with at least a basic understanding of themselves. They learn who they are and the challenges ...
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Growing Up Before My Disability Was Understood

Date 11 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Reflecting on my Experiences with the Understanding I Have Now For those who read my blogs, you will know that I write from experience. Those who shared these experiences with me will know for themselves ...
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Happy International Women's Day

Date 8 March 2026
Author Ilana Estelle
Happy International Women's Day – 2026 It has taken me a long time to change my life – to find the courage to work out, to move from what was to what is, while understanding a disability I didn’t even know I had. It was ...
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