I am grateful that my blog allows me to explore and address my symptoms that I never had a diagnosis for. I am still having to work out some of my symptoms.
The 'research'
There is research out there to suggest the link between cerebral palsy and autism. I have a neurological developmental disorder due to brain damage at birth. It is a brain function disorder that affects learning ability memory and self-control.
Autism
I have found ways around dealing with emotions, learning, memory and self-control. My short-term memory is affected. When it comes to autism, as with all brain conditions, symptoms vary in severity from child to child, where some may experience just a few of its symptoms, others many of its symptoms.
'Autism test'
Although my diagnosis was missed, my symptoms share similarities with autism and Asperger’s. Having taken an autism test, for us to confirm the accuracy of the result, someone close also took the test and the test accurately confirmed the suspicions on both our parts; that he doesn’t have autism and I do.
My neurological symptoms
It makes me feel angry, because as child when I tried to talk about my issues, I was told there was nothing wrong with me and that I should get on with my life. Years on of course, I can't because I am still affected by my neurological symptoms.
There is no doubt that with the help, I would have done better in school, instead of feeling stupid because I couldn't learn. I have been failed by the system and by those who could have made a difference.
You have a right to feel all those things. No one has the right to withhold this sort of information, especially from a child.
Their failure is theirs not yours; but you have and will continue to find the positives in your experiences and in doing so will help others, in the way that you might have expected to receive help from others.
In time you will find a place for all of this, but right now it is good that you can talk about your feelings on your site and with those who care about you.
I think numb would be a good adjective together with disbelief at the catalogue of errors I was made to live through.
I think the biggest thing for me, is the idea that everyone who knew; were able to keep it from me, whilst allowing me to continue to believe that I would get better. That belief kept me going.
I don't know how anyone can know, live their lives as if nothing is wrong; keep the problem at arms length and live with their conscience and still sleep at night.
Now still having to work through yet more of my symptoms, writes home to me just how damaged I really am and how much work I still need to do on myself; particularly around symptoms to a non-diagnosis that came to light, just eight years ago.
You're not out of your mind or sick at heart, in fact, you're an awesome thinker. So no matter what diagnoses comes to light, you're super normal and super perfect to me.
Of course, you want nothing less than answers, to leave no margin of error about your health and the truth. Your CP Diary family is with you through this journey.
Awww thank you Tim. Your words are so much of a comfort to me and sweet. As I continue to write, knowing 'my diary family are around me' helps me tremendously. We support one another.
The CP Diary is not only my journey, but through my writing and my experiences, others are able to tap into their own specific journey too, by relating my experiences back to their own and that allows them to change certain aspects along the way.
Since my experiences are not only based on what I have lived through, but through universal truths, those truths can be applied to anyone reading or responding to my blogs. I hope that makes sense!
Finally, I will never stop working out what my symptoms are. I need to know everything there is to know about my neurological impairments and why I present a certain way.
I very much believe my health depends on it.