"As a child, I didn’t equate or work out that my disability was neglect brought about through abuse. I didn’t equate my mental and emotional struggles (not being able to learn) was because I had autism – and that my struggles were also neglect and abuse.
As a child you assume things are done because they are in your best interests. I didn’t stop to question, and I needed. You don’t think about what’s going on, or in my case whether you’re dealing with a disability, unless you're told. You know you struggle, you see yourself struggle, but you don’t equate what your struggles are. I wanted to cry. Instead, you grow around your mental struggles and you still struggle – you get help, then it may get easier. Not for me. Imagine...
Yes, it is only when you look back that you can equate and see what you were dealing with. You look back and you see the neglect. You understand your struggles as the adult, as the child, you struggled to understand."
Sadly, no one ever explained to me that I had choices in my life so I became accustomed to not having any choices and that's the way it stayed.
As I was telling a friend a short time ago, what would be chaos for everyone else was my normal, which is why the current circumstances aren't bothering me.
Most days my childhood seemed like it was the end of the world, as my mother was always acting like she was 'deathly ill' and my father was always catering to her needs.
We seemed to be an afterthought as far as our needs were concerned, which was truly sad. I believe if parents aren't willing to put their children first, then they should question whether they should be parents in the first place.
Thanks Randy. Yes, it's hard to equate that a parent would put a child through what you went through, but then my circumstances although different are similar.
I think that in 2020, parents wouldn't be allowed to get away with parenting in this way. It has a lot to do with the times. There is no excuse.
All you can do Randy is find a place to store your experiences, so you're not reliving or thinking about them in any great detail and give those back to your parents.
As children we may see outward reactions from our parents, but we can't understand or equate the 'bigger picture' on why parents go on to parent in the way they do.
All you can do is make sure that your parents parenting you badly, isn't repeated. Difficult to do with what you have sometimes.