Just because someone pays us a compliment, doesn’t mean we have the confidence to match. That’s not how it works.
Compliments and confidence
Compliments don’t work unless we're feeling confident inside. Even if we continue to compliment someone, unless that person inwardly feels the compliment, they will never learn to accept the compliment. Unfortunately, when our confidence and self-esteem is at an all time low, taking on a compliment won’t make us feel any better about ourselves.
Confidence and the subconscious
Our subconscious has to feel and believe all the things our conscious is telling us. If we accept a compliment because our subconscious believes the compliment, we will be able to pay other people a compliment back. If we find it difficult to accept a compliment, we will find it difficult to compliment others.
In the same way, when we pay someone a compliment we have to mean it. For example, someone will pay us a compliment, like when we have a new haircut. They know we’ve had a haircut, but rather than offend and say they don’t like it, they’ll tell us how nice it is. Personally, I would rather someone be honest, than compliment me on something they know they don’t like.
Confidence and acceptance
If we feel confident and someone compliments us then it will be easy to accept their compliment, but if we’re feeling anything but confident, being complimented is probably the last thing we need. We can never gain confidence if we have no confidence to begin with, even if someone constantly pays us a compliment. We need to feel confident before we learn to accept a compliment. With no confidence, all a compliment will do is make us more insecure.
Years on we’ll still have the same insecure thoughts, even with thousands of compliments behind us. We have to feel good about ourselves for compliments to work effectively.
I believe this all starts as children. If a child is put down a lot during their formative years they will not have the confidence they need to succeed. They will not be able to take a compliment or give one either.
I have a hard time taking compliments. I don't feel worthy enough for most of them. Growing up I wasn't encouraged a lot to succeed. I think it was more important that I make it to another day.
I do however give compliments as often as I can and mean them. People compliment me often on what I've done for my son. I see it as just love for him; a mothers love. As mothers would do anything for our children (most of us anyway).
I get embarrassed when I'm complimented most of the time and turn red in the face.
Yes how confident we are does stem from childhood, you're right Lisa. Just because we don't have it in childhood doesn't mean we won't have it at all. Confidence is something that we have to work on.
I didn't have confidence as a child, but I do have confidence now. I'm not sure I could have done what I'm doing now without it, but we have to learn how to accept compliments when we're given them so that we begin to feel and live has a confident person should.
I believe we're all worthy of compliments although I can understand why we can sometimes be embarrassed by them. It probably depends on the compliment.
Everything you have said here is so true. I rarely get compliments and find it strange when I do.
Thanks Randy. Is it strange just hearing someone paying you a compliment or strange accepting that someone would want to pay you a compliment?
I would say the first one.
That's fine Randy. As long as you feel okay by accepting compliments, you're doing okay. It would be nice to have more, it shows that person notices and cares enough to compliment us.
It's nice to give appropriate compliments to let someone know that something about them is noteworthy and acknowledged. Proper compliments are normally appreciated and often times needed.
It's just civilized social etiquette to me.
You're right Tim it is, but not all of us will use or compliment other people. Just the nature of life and how people choose to do things.