With every conversation we have, good or bad that conversation becomes part of new conversations. Through unconscious bias, conversations that have taken place, never stay within the confinements of the original conversation.

Conversations follow us into new relationships

All previous conversations will unconsciously follow us into new relationships with us apportioning blame on those who have nothing to do with those previous conversations. In other words, we’ve moved on physically, but emotionally any issues we’re carrying unconsciously, automatically become part of our conscious thinking.

The past doesn't leave until we show it 'the door'

All issues from our past will come back, unless we have dealt with them. We implicit unconscious bias, by making quick judgments and assessments of people and situations, without us realising that’s what we’re doing.

Biases and previous relationships

We also know that biases are brought about through unconscious thoughts influenced by previous relationships, cultural environment and personal experiences. Those who are biased, believe what they want to believe; often refusing to take into consideration the opinion of others.

It’s a bias towards one way of thinking, often based on those who have had had the most influence on us and not what is being presented to us. Unconscious bias can stem from more than one person who have had influences on us, or may simply come from one person, who has had the most influence on us.

It is not easy being on the receiving end of someone who behaves in this way, but understanding what it is, helps us to cope and deal with it. Unconscious bias sends out a clear message that neither us, nor our opinions matter.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “Coping with unconscious bias”

  1. The problem with dealing with someone with this kind of bias is that their thinking is pre-programmed, making it almost impossible for them to see reason.

    I know a few people like that and I have chosen not to engage them in any meaningful discussion, as in the past that has inflamed arguments if we disagree. I prefer the quiet life.

    1. Thanks, yes. Quite. I also prefer the quiet life. I try to avoid those people like the plague.

      They are very difficult to deal with. Or perhaps that's the point, we can't deal with them, because they are usually too opinionated.

      They know what they know which means they can never listen to reason.

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