We spend our formative years doing the right thing, but is doing the right thing the right thing to do? The right thing may not be the right thing for someone else, even though it's right for you.
Doing the right thing?
Doing the right thing may also be the wrong thing for the person doing the right thing. I got into the habit of feeling bad for not saying 'no' so never did, but I also know it’s not always easy to say 'no' when someone asks.
Looking back, doing the right thing never got me to a place where I could function successfully. The problem with doing the right thing for other people when it isn't right for you, is that you end up living someone's else life.
Why we fail to develop
We will fail to develop emotionally and individually living someone else's live. Unfortunately, putting others first, means there isn’t a thought process to it. Someone else makes the decisions, all you have to do is say 'yes' and turn up.
Doing the right thing, means we accept other people’s thoughts as it's courteous, but primarily we need to do the right thing for ourselves. Doing the right thing for someone else, also means we're putting our own life on hold, instead of us being pro-active.
It’s fine for us to do the right thing every now and again, but we have to please ourselves. It's our life, we have to live it how we deem fit.
Growing up I didn't always do the right thing and sometimes I felt soo guilty. I believe doing things for myself or what I thought was right for me made me selfish and I was always trying to impress people with the things I did.
Of course I didn't get the acknowledgement that I should have from my parents. It was like no matter what I did it wasn't good enough. I was always told to think of others instead of myself all the time.
Now it's all about others. As a nurse, mom or wife, I think of others and will put them before my needs. I don't remember the last time I bought myself some new clothes.
I've been lucky though that I can wear my daughters hand-me-downs LOL!
I am sure if you had have some acknowledgment you would have taken a different tack. We tend to go the opposite way to prove a point that usually backfires on us, when we're ignored!
That was then, now is now. You've changed what was and serve family now... just remember to think about yourself too. Your family aren't the only ones that matter, you do.
I used to be the good kid growing up not getting into much trouble. Then I went through the party phase, then the move out phase; then back with the parents. I don't really know where I fit in any more. Still working on that.
I used to always try to do the right thing to please everyone else around me, but it did not make me happy. That should be number one make yourself happy first.
If you don't you will make the people around you miserable.
You're absolutely right Randy. Your second paragraph resonates with me too and your last paragraph is so true.
Doing the right thing will only serve to make others miserable if we're not genuinely happy doing the right thing. How true.
I think we are programmed from an early age to do the right thing and it's only when we are older that we start to understand that all that matters is doing the right thing by ourselves.
It's not always the easy option and it takes others an age to begin to understand why someone would do right by themselves first.
Some people never get to understand it at all.
Thank you. I agree with you. The cynic in me tells me that perhaps they never wanted to understand in the first place.
From my own experience when someone really wants to understand they will. It's that simple!