There’s a common assumption that autistic people struggle with empathy or simply “don’t get” others. But recent research offers a different perspective, one that feels far more accurate: the double empathy problem.
Coined by Dr. Damian Milton, the double empathy problem suggests that communication breakdowns between autistic and non-autistic people are mutual. It’s not about one side lacking empathy – both sides have empathy. It is understanding that both sides interpret and express the world in different ways. For those with autism, who may struggle to empathise in any physical, animated way, or to articulate their thoughts, there is trauma in that.
Within families, these mismatches can be difficult – and especially visible. Autistic family relationships: a family member might show care through physical affection, while an autistic person might express it through problem-solving or practical support. Both actions come from the same place of empathy, but the signals don’t always align. It is important to remember – there is empathy in autism.
Likewise, when an autistic person withdraws or goes quiet during stressful times, others may interpret it as being disinterested, when in fact, it's a way of coping. Misread cues can leave both sides feeling misunderstood.
Workplace communication and autism often collide in subtle, but important ways. Many office cultures thrive on small talk and unspoken social cues. For autistic employees, direct communication is clearer. However, to non-autistic people, that can sometimes be misread as bluntness.
Equally, indirect communication or unspoken expectations from colleagues may go unnoticed, which can create unintentional tension. This doesn’t come from a lack of empathy, but from a difference in communication styles.
For many autistic people, communication feels straightforward. If someone is kind, they’ll respond with kindness; if someone is dismissive, they’ll likely respond with distance. In other words, there’s an honesty and clarity to autistic communication that once it's understood, can be refreshing.
What matters is empathy. when society takes time to understand different communication styles in autism, and when autistic people are given the space to express themselves authentically – relationships become stronger and more effective.
While both autistic and non-autistic people are interpreting the world through their own lenses, autistic people often experience less flexibility in their black-and-white thinking. The double empathy problem highlights how these differences in communication can create continuous misunderstandings. Yet this distinct way of thinking can also be refreshing, offering clarity and honesty that benefits both sides when understood and respected.
The double empathy problem re-frames the conversation around autism and empathy. Instead of assuming autistic people lack empathy, it shows that empathy is present on both sides, just expressed differently.
This shift in perspective matters for families, workplaces, and relationships. Recognising this – can shift family dynamics, ease workplace relationships, and reduce the pressure on autistic people to constantly adapt. It’s not about fixing one side – it’s about building a bridge between two perspectives. (Source:) Milton, D. (2012) On the Ontological Status of Autism: the ‘Double Empathy Problem’.
