It's been16th months since my twin passed away and I have twin anxiety separation. I am feeling lonely without my twin. The thought of living life without her continues to be a daunting prospect. We were a unit. Even with our challenges, her just being there brought a sense of comfort for me that I haven't got without.

Losing my twin is a huge adjustment

Now life without her is a huge adjustment as I am now having to navigate the world on my own. Although we didn't always see each other, she was a part of my life and I miss not having her around.

Shared experiences and memories

It's difficult not having that constant presence. The emptiness is overwhelming, but I know that she would want me to continue to live my life to the best of my abilities. Even though Sheila may no longer be physically present, the shared life, experiences and memories we shared transcends the limitations of this world.

It is comforting to know she will always be a part of me

Looking back, I am grateful for the time we had together and the bond we shared. It is comforting to know she will always be a part of me. I need to give myself more time to grieve and adjust to a life without her.

Talking about my feelings and memories is helping me to process my grief. I need to remember to be patient and kind to myself as I continue to adjust to this new chapter of my life.

Life without my twin is a challenge

As I continue to live, life without my twin is a challenge. Although my twin has gone, I know our connection will never fade. I find peace in knowing she is watching over me as my 'guardian angel' guiding me through the second part of my life.

My twin will always be with me

I do take comfort in knowing that as she lives her life in spirit, her love and support will always be with me. I know that no matter what, she will always be around to watch over me.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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