A year after my twin's death and I'm still playing catch up on my health. Just thinking about my twin and having to watch her declining health is something I still struggle to come to terms with. I'm in fight and flight.

My declining health

Two months after my twin's death and my declining health didn't have to happen. The mouth muscle swelling, the tooth loss near to the injury and tinnitus is synonymous with the trauma and stress I went through 6-months prior to her death, watching her struggle and her declining health, and to have some time out to look after me.

Fighting to get better

And I am still fighting to get better. The mouth muscle swelling has gone down, and that is thankfully healing, but I'm not happy about the tooth loss and I'm still adjusting to a life with tooth loss near to the initial injury. I've also been told, it's not something I can fix. Thankfully my mouth is healing and in a few more weeks time, my mouth will feel normal again. I am able to chew and bite normally now.

Pandemic life without my twin

I am, however, struggling with my life as a single person without my twin. I am isolated and lonely, not something I have had to think about, but something I recognise as being the norm now. My twin died in the pandemic, and I still live in the pandemic which isn't over and with a disability which makes it near to impossible, but I carry on.

I am thankful I have my writing to keep me sane and company, given my life. I'd struggle without it. Perhaps it's also another reason it's here.