Respectfully, there is no point in forgiving someone, and you're still behaving in a hostile manner towards that person. That isn’t forgiveness. Forgiving means you wipe the slate clean and you start again.
Choosing not to forgive
Also, not forgiving someone doesn’t make you a bad person. It depends on whether you feel the other person is worthy of your forgiveness.
Forgiving isn’t about forgetting, it’s about finding an acceptance, a place for what’s been done. You forgiving someone, doesn't get those others off the hook, they are still accountable and answerable to themselves and the universe. Forgiving isn't based on spiritual values or religion; in other words, the more spiritual or religious you are, the more likely you are to forgive.
Forgiving is a personal decision
It is a personal decision, based on your relationship with that person. Through understanding, we hope we may come to feel differently around our experiences with that person. But the truth is, not everyone deserves forgiveness, particularly if what they did was wilful, their actions spanned years, and they would do it again in a heartbeat.
If only forgiving someone was that easy. I was forced into believing that you were supposed to hold onto grudges against people. It took me a long time to figure out that it was okay for me to forgive people, but that doesn't mean that I have to forget.
Somehow I managed to forgive my own parents for what they put us through, but I'm not able to forget, since it caused the issues that I still deal with today.
I am trying hard to find a way for my daughter to forgive me for the mistakes that I have made. She chose her mother's family over mine and me. I will have to accept it and just live my own life without her in it. It is truly such a shame.
Thanks Randy. Sadly what has happened to you isn't unique. The cause is similar and the symptoms.
For whatever reason, fall outs invariably do result in children getting caught in the middle, where one parent makes it difficult for the other parent, and they use the children to do it. It hasn't worked out for you just yet, but don't give up. Through emotional and spiritual growth it may still come good.
Yes, through understanding we can come to forgive. We can also accept something without having to forgive. We don't have to agree, but we find an acceptance on what has been done.