Grievances are something we hold on to, don’t do anything about them until we get to boiling point, then we let rip! It’s something I’ve experienced twice in my life, but not something I’ve handed out. I tend to sort out my problems before it gets to that stage where I hold a grievance.
What we say may create a grievance
It’s often someone else’s take on what we say, which leads to a grievance, not necessarily what we say. Unfortunately, not all grievances will be resolved. That very much depends on the person who has the grievance. Sometimes we’re not even aware they’re holding a grievance until they let rip.
Grievances that come from nowhere
When the grievance comes like a bolt out of the blue and is complete news to us, it’s probably less likely to be resolved. From my own experience once someone gets to that stage where they harbour a grievance, they’ve already made up their mind as to which way they want to go and there’s generally nothing we can do about it.
In any event, it would be a pointless exercise trying to resolve a grievance, unless the person with the grievance wants to resolve it. Preconceived ideas are such, whichever way you look at them. Conclusions have already been made. When we get to the point where we’re able to sort out our differences, we’re less likely to hold on to a grievance.
If someone says something you’re not happy with, always try to go back in and talk about the issue. Life’s too short to hold a grievance and fall out for good.
I agree with you. I do think that people have preconceived ideas before any subject comes up and usually their mind can' be changed unless we clear it up.
Thanks Lisa. I think you're right there doesn't always need to be a problem for someone to have a preconceived idea. This is where I feel class comes into the equation.
Unfortunately once someone's mind is made up, it's usually made up whether we try to patch things up or not. That has been my experience in the past.
My mother used to hold it all in until she got to boiling point and then let it rip.
As she grew older she didn't do this. I think it is far harder to hold it all in, until you get to the point you want to explode.
Usually with me if I am angry about something, people know it. My father gets angry for about 5 minutes then it is over with. A good way if you can manage your anger that way.
I think you're right Randy. It's easier on us when we're angry and people know about it, because we'll work through the anger a little quicker.
When we bottle things up and put our feelings on hold for any length of time, it not only infringes on our emotional health but on other people's emotional health as well.
Any form of anger needs to be controlled, even 5 minutes of anger (which may seem like 25 minutes) can be damaging.
Unfortunately a lot can be said in those 5 minutes. Once the box is open it doesn't close very easily!
Yes I agree with you.
A lot can be said in 5 minutes, sometimes it cannot be taken back ever. I personally have a very long memory for things like that.
It is best to manage and watch what you say. I have worked on that for over the last 8 years. Not always easy but necessary.
I think it's testament to you Randy that you try so hard. I do, however think that it has to work both ways.
A relationship is 50/50. Two people have to work at it or it doesn't work.
I totally agree with you; a relationship cannot be all one sided.
Thanks Randy.