Many of us develop a protective shell to shield tender emotions. We show the world we’re okay, telling others we are okay, then we begin to convince ourselves we’re okay.
Recognising trauma
Until I learned how to recognise trauma, I wasn't consciously aware of what was not making me fine. Sometimes emotional trauma lies below our conscious awareness. That means we’re aware of something that is making us feel unhappy, but we’re not always consciously aware of what that is. We just know we’re not feeling happy, but we have no idea why. We ignore what's below our conscious awareness, and that stops us from becoming aware and understanding how we really feel.
Unhappy feelings
Unhappy feelings can range from feeling uncomfortable about something, to thoughts that involve either a physical or emotional pain brought about through certain events beyond our control. When we learn to look within ourselves we’re more likely to grasp our trauma, to understand why we have trauma and then how to deal with that trauma.
Learning to support ourselves
When we learn to emotionally deal with and support ourselves we should begin to talk more freely about how we feel. From a very early age, through necessity we ignore the signs of how we feel. By being reflective, we can begin to understand our pain. I would spend time observing life and that’s when I learned how to deal with trauma.
I know what it feels like to hold on to emotional pain, but it is both necessary and important to let go of trauma and emotional pain.
I've had to deal with a lot of emotional pain in my lifetime.
I've dealt with it in some way or other most of the time, but there are times I don't. Usually it involves another person and to deal with it I would have to confront that person, which I don't like doing so I keep it within.
Good post Ilana.
Thanks Lisa. Sorry you had to deal with emotional pain. I know so many people close to me that don't speak out and this is one of the reasons why I decided to write about hiding emotional pain.
However hard it is to deal with emotional stuff, it's even harder to deal with illness too. What we emotionally keep to ourselves can harm us. I have seen first hand what happens when we fail to talk about our issues.
I hope that as time goes on Lisa, you find the courage to say what needs to be said. It's something we all need to do.
It's a funny thing you would happen to broach this subject. I was watching a movie called People Like Us and some emotions that I had been hiding for a very long time bubbled up. I was crying and the subject was being the child of someone who did not recognize their child (illegitimate children).
I thought I had this all locked away and this movie really hit a sore spot with me. My Mom did a great job of raising me on her own, married again and my step father was like a father to me. When he died, I felt like that chapter had ended and that my father was gone.
I've spoken to my real father a couple of times as an adult, but we've hardly discussed these feelings of abandonment and hurt. It is something I am going to speak to my therapist about when I go see her later this month.
I hope that in the end I will be able to put these feelings aside so that I can move on with my life. Good topic matter again Ilana!
Thanks Maria. I'm so pleased this topic is something you will be addressing with your therapist.
Perhaps when you've managed to work thing through you'll be able to speak to your father about it. My father wasn't great at discussing anything, but there wasn't a day go back where I didn't at least try.
If you at least try but fail, you will have done your best. That way you don't get to live with the what if's. That's the way I tend to look at things and it helps.