I’ll be doing a more extended blog on this shortly, but it’s a human instinct to want to hold on to life instead of letting go and that can lead to more frustration, particularly when the person we’re trying to hold on to, doesn’t want to stay.
I understand when it’s time to let go, but it doesn’t help also when other family members go against what is the right thing to do. I believe our need to hold on has got everything to do with us and our reasons for not wanting to let go. We have our reasons of course, if we dig deep I believe we will always know why.
I think insecurity is a big reason we don't want to let go.
Some people are so dependent on other people, especially their parents that they are afraid to let them go. They find it hard to stand on their own two feet.
We should learn to cope with life. We need to learn to take care of ourselves and not depend on others to do it for us. Letting go is the right thing to do.
The other person more than likely has suffered enough and they are tired, ready to find peace and comfort. They will always be in our heart and won't leave us totally.
They are leaving us bodily, not spiritually. We won't be able to see them but they are there.
Thanks Lisa. I agree with you.
I believe that in this type of situation we really need to put the person's struggle ahead of our own feelings.
Do we really want that person to continue suffering and at what cost are we willing to do that? I know that in my personal experience after seeing what a terminal illness can do to a person's ability to function on a daily basis, wanting them to stay would be selfish.
My Aunt Carmen had colon cancer, she was on chemo and in a world of pain. When I finally flew to see her, she was in such a bad state that all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her how much I loved her.
I put my feelings aside after seeing the amount of pain and suffering she was going through and realized she really had no quality of life. So I told her how much I loved her and spent time with her looking through old photos and reliving old times that were cheerful and it seemed to really please her and for at least a few moments make her happy.
In the end I had to think to myself that she would be better off passing than to live here in pain with no hope of surviving.
It was a hard thing to see her go, but I knew how much she loved me and for that I am thankful.
My mother had a tremendous will to live. She lived 5 months passed what the doctors said she would.
Once the quality of live is gone it is better that they pass on. It's easier for all concerned.
Going through it myself now Randy I completely agree with you. There is no point to wanting someone to live if they have no quality of life.
It's an emotional drain on all concerned. It's never easy. It's right to let go.
You are so right, it is never easy to let go but sometimes it is for the best in the long run.
Thanks Randy. Yes it is.
As you say Maria to see someone suffer for our own personal gain isn't right. I agree with you, Lisa and Randy. You've all made valid points in your responses about the quality of a person's life and the insecurity aspect of why we choose to want to hold on to our loved ones and how much easier it is to let go.
I think sometimes we have to just let things be. It will never change how we feel or how our loved ones feel about us and in some ways it can make us even closer.
I think families change when they come to realise they are about to lose a loved one. We're less likely to take each other for granted and will likely spend more time with our relative.
I loved the fact that you spent time with your aunt and even got the photographs out for you both to look back on. There is no doubt in my mind your aunt will have taken those thoughts with her. Priceless.
I've been holding on to a lot in my life which has really made things very difficult.
I'm just now learning that it's okay to let go of certain things when the time is right! I can't say that I always like it, but I do have to accept it.
Thanks Randy. I believe there's always a right time to let go of things!
In my experience we usually have to make the time right. The problem some of us have is that we wait too long to let go because we're too afraid because we're unsure of what's on the other side.
The more we hold on to things and people the less at peace we will be. If I need to let go I let go regardless. I make things work for me.
I believe we all have the tools. I know you can do it.