The key to avoiding stress is to be prepared. By being prepared, we reduce the need for panic and stress. Having contingencies in place means that we're expecting something to fail, but if all preparation work has been done, there should be no need for us to fail, and no need for a plan B.
It is important to think and work through how you can prevent things going wrong, before they happen. Always rely on yourself to make your own judgments on decisions you have to make. That way you stay in control.
Don't worry over a situation you have no control over, particularly if you cannot change the outcome. There is no point. As for a situation you know you need to change, work through that so it doesn't become a worry, or a stress factor.
I think it's a process to get to the point where you are, and I congratulate you. I have bipolar disorder and a personality disorder caused by extreme trauma in my childhood so it's going to take a lot of therapy and hard work to hopefully be stress free. I am willing and have made a plan to start on these issues, kind of taking charge of my stress/depression/anger and mania. I have a positive outlook and have gained a lot of self examination by reading up on the subject not least of all a book recommended by you. The Bipolar survival guide by David Miklowitz PhD.
I understand you Brian. Bipolar Disorder is a hard one to deal with but with the right meds and management of the condition you will begin to feel so much better. I am here for you.
I have never handled stress well. When I was working I would just try to work through the stress but I never had a sense of peace or calm. I think with me it was a lack of self esteem in a lot of cases. I wanted to please every one especially my bosses. In my first job after college I worked so hard I burned myself out plus I was a yes man. I said yes to everything. I learned later that was not wise. You learn a lot after a few years in the working world.
Now that I am retired I rarely get stressed. If I do it usually comes from my father but I have learned how to reduce that stress by saying to myself is this worth getting in a fight over, usually the answer is no. I also have learned not to react quickly and watch my tone of voice.
Work issues LOL! We try so hard to get it right, but I don't think employers get it completely right either. There is no real compromise in work. It is their way unless you have someone who will let you work your own way, but the working world tends not to be like that.
I understand the problems with your father greatly, although asking yourself whether it is worth getting into a fight may not always work for you, particularly as you seem to be one who always backs down for the quiet life. You may not want to get into an argument with him, but that doesn't mean you agree with him. You just tell yourself it's not worth it.
I would like to get to the point where you are in dealing with stress. I'm not the greatest at dealing with it. I have a sort of perfectionist mentality, even though I know it isn't realistic. I always try to push myself to that standard in everything I do. As a result, I put a lot of pressure on myself. It's something that I have been trying to work on, but it is still very difficult for me.
LeAnna you say the pressure you put on yourself is from you wanting things to be perfect, but in doing so you are slowing yourself down possibly to the point of missing out on other things, because unless you get something right first time you will always be working on perfecting something that probably doesn't need to be perfect.
Maybe it comes from you having cerebral palsy, because I used to think that way too. I think sometimes because we don't see ourselves as perfect, we make allowances in other parts of our life so we can make something that is perfect. But in my eyes you are perfect as you are. Cut yourself some slack, in doing so you will also cut your stress down to size.
You said it so well Ilana, don't worry over things you have no control over. I don't do that any longer and I feel that in and of itself can be a sort of defence mechanism. I tackle things as they come and then resort to different plans if need be.
We probably all deal with stress differently. What I wrote in my blog works for me, but if you find a way to deal with stress that works for you then that's great. I like your idea of resorting to different plans, a plan B if you like. It shows your mind is open to new thoughts and suggestions. The only hard part of that would be your other half agreeing with your new suggestions!
I liked your reply to LeAnna Ilana, I think your right about looking at ourselves. I still struggle with my reflection and the way other people may see as me, but I'm a hell of a lot better now than I was years ago.
I think similar to you with my contingency plan and i'm a planner of the things i will need for today before I leave home, even just going to work... I always have a plan B, I have a backpack on my chair and its full of things I might forget and need like medication and a change of shorts if I mess myself.
I use my cell phone reminder that it will ring an hour before I need to be somewhere or do something important, and it works well, but all i just need to remember is where I left my damn phone? LOL
Ilana, your a gem...
Mike, I think we think like we do because of what we deal with. I tend not to question it now because it works and because it works I go with it!