"My head's in a tail spin most days because I deal with anxiety and autism, it's never easy. I hate that I deal with anxiety and that I struggle to find clarity. I hate how autism and anxiety makes me feel.

All I tend to want to do is withdraw until such a time I'm back in control and I feel better again. It’s not something I welcome, but it is something that's become a part of me. As a child, I'd spend a lot of time inside my own head, but I didn’t know I had anxiety or autism back then. Not having any decisions to make, meant others took responsibility – and that made it easier for me.

Now as the adult I have responsibilities. When I am able to cope, I push myself forward. When I don’t always have clarity, I try my best to work things through. it's never easy. Autism isn’t easy to deal with, made harder because I've been dealing with my symptoms for 56 years without understanding what they were."

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “It's Never Easy”

  1. Yes, I can definitely relate, seeing as it isn't ever easy to deal with these issues, like most people seem to think it is.

    It's made even worse when you're not told about the issues that you have and are simply expected to figure it out on your own. I have wasted most of my life trying to do that all on my own. I was too stubborn and proud to admit that I needed the help.

    I grew up in a world where asking for help was like one of the seven deadly sins, so that option was never open to me, or at least that was the way I was made to feel.

    People usually think I'm very shy or just being antisocial, when the reality is that I'm dealing with things in my head that they can't even begin to comprehend.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, as children we learn very quickly what works.

      Now you shouldn't have to explain yourself, those people who care about you will always want to help and won't judge.

      The right people will rally round and if they don't, they're not the right people. It's only in these times we understand more about the right people.

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