We become who we are based upon our responses to events. Others may observe our behaviour and the type of people we are, based on how we respond and react. As any angry child, I was always being judged on my anger.
Habits and pre-determined reactions
Our responses come from a combination of habit and other predetermined reactions that stem from our environments and background. Although these are unique to us, they form part of who we are as people. When we're consciously aware of our reasoning and why we do things, those reasons will enhance understanding of our learned behaviour.
How our thoughts are determined
But many of our thoughts will be determined through our unconscious thoughts. Those thoughts include experiences, unconscious feelings, unconscious issues, unconscious habits, anything we've had to experience that make up our behaviour. Everything we’re not consciously aware of in our everyday lives, can continue to influence our everyday responses and behaviour.
We should each acknowledge our actions
It is up to us to acknowledge our actions. It is also up to us to understand and to put ourselves out there, in a way that is appropriate. There should be continual understanding, not just on what people say, but understanding behind why they say, what they say.
Coming to understand the person behind the response
It is only when we understand the person behind the response, we understand why they may have initiated their response. Our responses are based on the issues we ignore. When we ignore issues that we haven’t yet dealt with on an unconscious level, we will always be limited to our response and judged by what we do. True for me... my anger issues were based on having to deal with a disability I didn't know I had.
It's scary the way we contribute to the tearing down of other people's self- esteem by being so judgemental, there's more to people than their mere responses. If we remove our blindfolds we may see that and give people the benefit of the doubt.
There have been moments in my life when my responses weren't particularly ideal, but that didn't warrant a dishonest evaluation of me.
Thanks Tim. You've eloquently argued your point and you're right and in doing so you have highlighted what happened to me.
Yes, I was an angry child, but I was angry for a reason. If the underlying reasons addressed, life would have turned out differently for me growing up.
The underlying issues were always there, and were allowed to go unnoticed, until I took control and changed it.
As in your case also, and from what you have said here in your responses, your life also hasn't gone without a hitch. Children aren't innately bad.
They simply respond to stimuli that is going on around them, what they are made to deal with and go through.
Tim, whilst you have said your responses 'weren't particularly ideal' you had your responses for the responses you gave. It would have been up to the adults to understand.
This is on them and you're off the hook.