My life was about having to keep up the pretence through a non-diagnosis and others still expecting me to conform as if nothing was wrong, without me being allowed to question my physical, mental and emotional issues.
The irritating thing is that I never understood my issues, but conformed anyway, but even with a bigger picture in front of me, I would never have been in a position to change anything. Had my life taken a different turn, the Diary wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be an author or writer.
But I do feel guilty for allowing myself to be sucked in and having to keep up the pretence. Out of all my issues, I know that it wasn’t my physical issues, but my thoughts that saved me.
It is no meaningful relationship if we’re having to keep up the pretence just to survive. I am grateful I have The CP Diary, as a platform, to be able to write and work through my experiences.
It's repulsive, but you've never drifted into the wrong lane, despite being forced to live that way. The kind of pretence that could have lead to a death sentence, while living.
But you survived all of that, with confidence and scars as proof. Then you authored The CP Diary and emptied your love into the palms of our hands, creating the ultimate repellent for what you've been through.
Being honest, I was holding on to something but wasn't sure what that something was, I just knew it wasn't an option for me to give in, or up.
I am grateful you've given me a different thought process. Your first paragraph sums up accurately how things could have panned out, but this way I've come through with my integrity in tact.
Turning to the Diary platform, hand on heart, the reason why it works is that we all help each other put a slant on how we see our experiences, through our own experiences.
I love that you're part of that process. Thanks Tim.