It's normal to feel anxious every now and again. But living with anxiety because you have an impaired emotional disability makes it even harder. Autism is a disability.
Inner Demons
Bad thoughts, not being able to switch thoughts or let go of bad thoughts, are all part of the same scenario, combine that with cerebral palsy where the cerebral cortex (the part of the brain that deals with emotions) is extensively damaged and it's near to impossible to control the demons when they come.
Anxiety and Autism
Anxiety is part of the autism that I didn’t know I had. It's not surprising I feel battered and bruised. The more I shed light on my different experiences, the more it highlights my internal wounds. Anxiety is difficult, a brain haemorrhage that impairs your emotions even more so. When there are stressful issues I have to deal with, bad thoughts continue to whir around in my head.
I didn't know I had an anxiety, nor a disorder that is part of a group of mental disorders that can leave you distressed, panicked and unable to carry on with normal everyday life.
Conclusion
Where I struggle with reactions and I struggle to adapt, around issues that aren't easily contained, those can blow up into something bigger. My anxiety disorder can be overwhelming and disabling. Through Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it's easy for me to deal with unrealistic worries and tension. If I struggle to understand with or without an explanation, I concern and worry – both create fear.
My anxiety is made more difficult because I manage and live with autism. Although it’s something I continue to deal with, I need to continue to find ways to manage and co-exist around both disabilities.
My girlfriend asked me last night if I had anxiety over the current circumstances. I grew up in a world where there was always a crisis happening, so you become desensitized to it.
The hardest part is trying to explain this to an anxious person. I have been diagnosed with GAD myself so I definitely get it. On the outside I may seem very calm, but on the inside, I'm screaming like Sam Kinison in a complete panic.
It's not very pleasant to be this way, since you can only feel so much, but once you hit a certain point you end up not feeling anything at all.
Thanks Randy. Yes, I'm pleased you can desensitize yourself around anxiety. Switching off is a good thing for the time you need it, but you have to remember to switch back on and come back in. I think it's great your girlfriend asked you. It shows she cares.
My emotions are so impaired through brain damage I struggle to do that. If I get to the stage where I'm beginning to panic, I find it difficult to stop. I would say you can use that to your advantage.
I experienced a little anxiety just yesterday. The sign of our times was the problem that plagued me.
But today I'm determined to manage my thoughts a little better, instead of my thoughts managing me. But then again, I do an awesome job at pretending.
Thanks Tim. When you say, 'the sign of our times was the problem that plagued me' - it's plaguing me too. You're not alone.
I'm so pleased you're determined to manage your thoughts Tim. Those that know you well, will know your struggles. I'm here for you too.
I'm also trying hard to manage my thoughts. I find keeping busy works better for me. I'll just have to keep writing!