A friend of mine brought up a valid comment in one of his responses to my blog and wanted to write further about it.
‘It doesn't make sense for someone to suffer in front of me, when I should mirror what that person feels, especially if we're in a relationship together. We should be joined at the hip for better or worse.’
Yes, it doesn't make sense and we should want to mirror what another person feels. After all isn't that what relationships are? All relationships can fall by the wayside, particularly in times of stress, but where a disability takes precedence, it becomes much harder, and others need to work with us.
But in any relationship, we should want to mirror what another person feels. We should also want to help make someone else's life better, easier and for others to do the same for us.
It’s easy for us to become self-absorbed and not think about others, their needs or what they deal with. Our experiences may not always bring us to a place that ties in with where we want to be emotionally and perhaps that's the point.
Where experiences produce resentment that’s when we may become self-absorbed and fail to mirror those all important relationships.
Any relationship must involve a degree of selflessness by all involved for it to succeed.
Where one person's needs are greater that can be difficult but with love and kindness, commitment and respect, not impossible.
Thank you. As Audrey Hepburn once said, nothing is impossible and I believe it's true. When it comes to relationships, perhaps we must come to understand the relationship and want to make a difference.
As a general rule, sadly we tend to unconsciously go into our relationships without giving the relationship much thought long term. The bail out card is divorce and many have opted for that.
But your last paragraph absolutely sums up your response beautifully. Sadly, not all relationships can be equal. Where one part of the two deals with something, the other person must come to understand, to work around what they deal with.
Where the relationship is equal, then as you say, the relationship must involve a degree of selflessness on both sides, in equal measures.
After love comes loyalty, to partner in life, not to leave scars as memories. But I've never once thought that finding such a relationship would be easy.
Thanks Tim. Yes, although I still believe loyalty must be part of the same package.
But it's not just with our spouse. Mirroring relationships should also happen with our parents, siblings and friends.
Given society, our lifestyles and what families come to expect, perhaps this is why relationships are never easy.
There is always the pressure for us to conform no matter whom we're with.