Because my parents didn’t ask questions about my neurological symptoms, I am still having to piece those symptoms together through various medical notes. It's a disorder that affects my emotions, self-control, memory and my ability to learn.

Certain triggers I have mentally, have affected developmental factors over the years, which has a bearing on the way I think and the thinking process. And although I haven’t had the official testing done for Autism and Asperger’s, I have neurological symptoms for both.

Asperger’s Syndrome is explained as a developmental disorder, by impairments in restrictive and repetitive patterns of thought and behaviour, as well as in language and communication skills, all of which I struggle with to some degree.

Autism Spectrum Disorder isn’t a learning disability, but it can affect learning. Autism has a broader impact on how a child develops. It affects a child’s social skills and how they learn to communicate. Autism can also affect a child’s understanding.

Looking back on my childhood struggles, I can now put some of my struggles into perspective. As a child, the specialist I was under was concerned about my intelligence and learning and told my father they wanted to assess me. I remember the conversation as if it were yesterday.

The specialist left it to my father to report back periodically once I started school and that was ignored. Looking back at the teacher comments on my school reports, it was clear I continued to struggle with my learning. It was also clear from my reports, there were continual concerns about my learning and my abilities around learning. The signs were all there.

It's taken a lot of years, but finally and for the first time I feel as though I have been exonerated. I was a special needs child, which I am okay with.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “More neuro symptoms”

  1. Well, it sounds more like your parents tried to ignore your condition as if it was something that they had done wrong and just didn't want to deal with it.

    We grew up in a very different time when things like Cerebral Palsy and Autism weren't common terms. Hard to imagine any parents not wanting to help their children to deal with these conditions but I know it was common back in the 60's through the 80's.

    My parents chose to be oblivious to their own conditions, so it wasn't any big surprise that they totally ignored ours. If your parents would have at least acknowledged your issues, that would have been half the battle and you could have figured out how to get things done on your own.

    Just a very sad thing that you suffered through your life and have to learn how to do a lot of things on your own.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, you're absolutely right about the common terms.

      In the 60's they weren't common terms like they are today and I can only speak for myself of how my life got to play out and why.

      I find the whole thing difficult to comprehend but even more so, the enormity of me having to continue to work out my neurological symptoms, to understand myself and what I have been dealing with for all those years.

      It would have saved a lot of frustrations on my part. I am sure for you too Randy, had your parents helped you with what you had to deal with as a child.

      I owe it to myself to continue the work I started. You also owe it to yourself and you also deserve to have better.

  2. It is quite unbelievable that this was allowed to happen. Your parents made a conscious decision not to tell you about the diagnosis and I think that is the crux of it.

    It was convenient that your diagnosis was swept under the carpet, as it was easier on your parents and your siblings to leave you in the dark. That way they didn't have to face the consequences of what would have been a life changing diagnosis.

    How different your life would have been. Thankfully, you eventually got your diagnosis and your have learned to cope in different ways.

    1. I can't argue your point. I think you're right. I believe I was always meant to know. It was just a matter of time.

      I'm numb. I'm not sure what to think or feel. Just can't believe how anyone would allow this to happen and still sleep at night, with a conscience.

      Being a parent myself, it makes it even more incredulous. Will I ever come to terms with it? I'm not sure I will. I will just have to make myself stronger, so what's been done doesn't hurt me anymore.

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