"My Autism is mild enough for me to live my life, and although it gets in the way of my day-to-day living, it has allowed me to work through and document my experiences. I don’t mind autism, but I do mind others struggling to understand me, particularly because they don't always try.

For 56 years I was trying to work out why every time I looked at myself in the mirror, my gaze was fixed, and without a natural animation smile – and now I know why. I understand it, but how I got to know will never leave, because it's the reason for my mental and emotional struggles, and I carry those daily.

Most or all of my mental symptoms, I put down to cerebral palsy and that's not the case at all. My sensory issues, my mental and emotional issues had nothing to do with cerebral palsy, but everything to do with autism. Whichever way you look at this, there is no excuse, for the life I have had to live."

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “My Autistic Smile”

  1. There wasn't any excuse for the way we were forced to live as children. I get annoyed when people try to make excuses for my parents.

    We were forced to live with very crowded closets and in my case I wasn't really allowed to talk about it. People have a hard time reading someone who has autism.

    I'm guessing with my niece I may have to deal with some of the similar issues which would account for my abilities.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, no excuse just understanding from us on how we were brought up.

      Autism is different for us all, particularly for me as my autism is secondary to my primary condition. You can be born with autism, independently of any primary condition.

      It's good that you make time and you have abilities to help your niece. I am impressed by that. Love that Randy.

      We all have time to be caring, empathetic, kind and patient and we can.

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