I find it comforting that my weird but beautiful mind is the reason I am able to articulate my thoughts in the way that I do.
When Chris Packham, A BBC Natural History Presenter, talked about his traits in his television documentary, commenting that he wouldn’t be as successful as he is without Asperger's, he was in no doubt that Asperger’s has made him the success he is today.
Experiencing my world differently
I also experience my world in a very different way to what is considered normal, with heightened senses that can sometimes be overwhelming, with a mind that constantly bounces from one subject to another, and without clarity that creates uncertainty, anxiety and stress.
Through my blog, I challenge the idea that I need to change, in order to fit into society. I deal with difference. I shouldn’t have to change because I deal with a disability, it’s others who need to find a way to fit in and work with difference.
My Writing
Through my writing, I contemplate and reflect on all my experiences, bringing those experiences into the limelight for me to find understanding, and for others to read, challenge and find understanding for themselves on their own experiences.
Although being honest and open about my struggles helps me understand, it doesn’t change the outcome. I still am where I am, but it does allow me to bring closure, through new understanding and new eyes.
I am 'different'
I remember a mothers’ day card from my children that said and I quote ‘sometimes the family liked to gather outside and try to work out which planet Mum was from' and I smiled. Within seconds, I understood the meaning behind the words.
Weirdly different
Because I am weirdly different, my thinking and what I do is like no other. But that’s okay. I am who I am and what I deal with has helped me make who I am today. I am happy and comfortable in my own skin.
I couldn’t think or express myself in the way that I do, or write in the way I do without being neurodiverse. I am blessed because I am different.
Yes, your beautiful mind has always intrigued me and one of the many reasons I have appreciated your friendship, since you do think so differently than most people out there, who claim to be the 'normal' ones.
I have wasted most of my life just trying to fit into this or that group, when I don't belong to any of them. It has become such a nightmare, as I have always allowed others to dictate the direction of my life when there were so many other ways I wanted to go.
I had one nightmare last night about jumping off of a cliff to save my life and I know exactly where that comes from, seeing as that's how I feel right now.
The only two things I want right now are to be able to live my own life the way I want to live and not feel buried by that mountain of guilt, shame and remorse which happens when I try to live my own life.
Thanks Randy, so kind. You're welcome. I understand your torment, because your torment was my torment as a young adult, particularly around my education.
It was only when I began to realise that I was making myself ill and I took myself in hand that I began to start making changes to my emotional mind.
Through every dark cloud comes a silver lining, but it's something we have to look for. You know everything you need to know and where you are now, but it's taking that first step.
I understand your reluctance, because that was my reluctance too, but just think how much better you'll feel through the other end.
I know from my own experiences tormenting ourselves isn't the way, but not taking the first step torments us more.
I eagerly follow this site because you set lies on fire and assist imperfect people who've made imperfect choices find their way to a different path.
Only a cool mind would endeavor to do something like that.
Thanks Tim. I can't tell you what your response means.
Having lived a difficult life, I was merely trying to make my imperfect life, perfect. I don't believe any of us are perfect and that we do live imperfect lives.
My blogs continue to show me a different path. I'm pleased that's how you see my blogs also. A path which allows me to walk a more peaceful path, away from stress.