In my early thirties I spent many sessions in counselling not knowing I had cerebral palsy or autism. Had I have known about them both, I could have got the right help 30 years ago.

Personal battles

I found myself navigating each session without clarity, struggling to make sense of what was happening to me. Without understanding myself, I was left unprepared—thrown into the deep end without the tools I needed to cope or adapt. Now that I have that understanding, I find it difficult to reconcile the fact that this was my reality, a reality others considered acceptable.

Do we Really Get over Our Experiences?

Do we ever truly move past our experiences, or do they remain a part of us? And if we do move forward, are we ever completely unchanged? I believe the answer lies in how we perceive what we’ve been through. It’s not about ‘getting over’ something, but about coming through it—learning, understanding, and finding a way to reconcile it within ourselves. ‘Getting over’ suggests we should simply forgive and forget, but perhaps true healing comes from acknowledgment, not dismissal.

It Is Important Not to Condone

Forgiveness can be part of the healing process, but it's not always necessary. To forgive, doesn’t mean we condone what happened. It means we choose to release the resentment, bitterness, and anger tied to our experiences. In letting go, we free ourselves from the weight of worry and the restless nights that come with it. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the past – it’s about finding peace in the present.

In session, I would have general chats about things I struggled with, rather than being given the tools to move forward. Until I started making my own connections with my experiences, our general chats didn't help. I couldn’t get past the ‘blame game’ because that blame had nowhere to go.

As we continue to make assumptions on events that happen in our past, we know we can’t change the past, so we remain stuck in the usual emotional patterns.