Out of everything I’ve had to deal with since I started my journey nearly eight years ago, my handwriting is the one thing I haven’t yet tackled. I haven’t talked about my handwriting struggles in any great detail, primarily because I’m too embarrassed.
My handwriting issues
Handwriting is one of those things you learn as a child and then subconsciously just do it. You don’t even have to think about it, struggling to form my letters, I continually think about it.
My non-forming handwriting
If someone speaks too quickly as I’m trying to write, my brain not only has trouble interpreting what I hear, but I struggle to form the outlines and to write. My consultant says this is due to a non-dominant parietal lobe problem.
Writing too small
In school my writing was too small and I would write at snails pace. It didn’t matter how many times I was asked to write larger and quicker. It’s a shame my teachers never stopped to ask why.
Now that I have managed to make the outlines slightly bigger, they’re even less well formed. There are times when I feel embarrassed that something so basic, is something I struggle with.
Feeling stupid isn't the first emotion that springs to my mind. Anger, let down, deceit are all up there for me and you're the last person who should feel bad about this.
The only positive I can say, is that the jigsaw is one more piece nearing completion, not that you should have had to complete it in this way.
But you tackle it with composure and grace and those that should have been there for you, know this are the qualities they also should have exhibited.
Thank you for recognising those emotions. It's good that I'm hearing it from someone else that wasn't around me as a young child.
This isn't something you could make up or would want to experience yourself, but even through the neglect and abuse I have still chosen to do things in a conciliatory way.
As a child I tried, but through years of anger, there were moments of kindness, now reflected in my blogs and through my responses.
It was me all the time, but sadly through no fault of my own, it took me time to get there.
Yes, it always seems to be those little issues that seem to be the worst for us. I always had trouble focusing for long periods, especially in school and when somebody would be trying to explain things to me, which did make me appear to be very stupid!
Only recently was I diagnosed as having ADHD after I went to be tested for possibly having a TBI, considering what I have gone through in my life.
It would have made a lot of sense after having a girl try to crush my skull when I was 4 and then the subsequent beatings I received from bullies because I was a 4 eyed freak, when I had to wear glasses afterwards.
My parents never really acknowledged my issues either, or looked for any possible causes so we both were left to figure it out on our own.
Thanks Randy. Yes, I hear you and like you I am still working things out. But I'm not sure this is something that I can sort out.
I am sure your ADHD diagnosis will give you understanding now of you're being unable to focus for long periods.
Although we're not always happy to receive the advice or the diagnosis, I do think having the diagnosis helps us understand more of what we deal with and then being able to deal with it.